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16. Jon "Jonny Fairplay" Dalton (Survivor: Micronesia - 20th Place, 370/408)

Yeah, Fairplay used to be bottom two for me, but after reading the Funny 115 and realizing that I can't blame him TOO much for how his story turned out in the season, he's moved ahead of Joel, Alexis, and more popular Alexis.  Now, don't get me wrong, I still hate Fairplay for the fact that he ruined what MIGHT have been an awesome season (and hell, he even ruined what could've been an amazing elimination for himself down the line by quitting).  Basically, Fairplay is a douchebag and got into it with Danny Bonaduce prior to the trip out to Micronesia for the season, which resulted in Fairplay getting flipped end over end by Bonaduce, a man who's a little unstable himself.  Fairplay's teeth got busted and just a few weeks prior to the show and he had to have surgery and all that bad stuff.  So rather than bow out and potentially allow himself to be saved for a season like Heroes vs. Villains (where he was a far superior choice to...I'm gonna say Randy), he went ahead with going on Micronesia.  This meant that a spot that could've been filled by Shane, or really anyone from Palau/Guatemala, was instead filled by a scrawny guy who would wind up asking to be voted out after three days because of the problems with his pain.  This was a shitty way for Fairplay to go out, and it hurt his legacy, not to mention essentially making Parvati's win a big question mark for all time, right there alongside Yul's.  Seriously, I know Parvati's fans like to say she's amazing and the best player ever and that all her good luck was evened out by bad luck, but that's bullshit.  Fairplay quitting directly helped her avoid a round one elimination (as far as we know), and because of that quit, it's impossible to say Parvati's win was legitimate.  And that's kinda shitty, in my opinion.  All that shit went down just because Fairplay decided to go on the show while he was injured.  JAYE lost power and ruined the season, and even if they wouldn't have, we'll never know, so Parvati's win is tainted.  So yeah, bottom five placement for Fairplay.


15. Mary Sartain (Survivor: Micronesia - 19th Place, 277/408)

I WISH Mary would be the poster child for forgettable players, but sadly, we've had recent seasons with people like Whitney, Kelly Shinn, and Courtney Yates (seriously, what the hell) who all made the jury while being more invisible than Mary.  And let's not kid ourselves, Mary was boring as hell.  She committed the cardinal sin of joining a showmance and thus giving up any chance of her developing a unique personality that might be appealing to anyone.  She ranks this high (overall, not in the Micronesia list) because of two things.  One, her invisibility is a funny running gag that Sucks turned into something magical (like Lividmanda, except Amanda still sucks).  And two, I feel bad for her being the victim of Joel's mental retardation and sexism deeming her the necessary target, rather than going after actually weak players, or the guy Joel was trying to usurp in the first place.  Seriously, Mary is like the Elyse of Micronesia (with Joel being the Jim), so I can't help but feel sorry for her and rank her up with the more favored borewhores.  Also, weird sidenote, but it almost seems like EVERYONE who fanfics Micronesia somehow turns Mary into this amazing bitchy player.  I had her as a mastermind first boot, guatemala_fanfic had her as a bitchy power player, and then a bitchy power player a SECOND time in an All-Stars season.  It's just very strange to me, because we got almost no indication of this from the actual show.

14. Yau-Man Chan (Survivor: Micronesia - 18th Place, 224/408)

One, two, three, all three of the season's first three boots are all eliminated in rapid succession.  Yau-Man was probably the biggest fan-favorite character since Rupert at the time Micronesia came around, so he was most definitely one of the strongest choices for an All-Star season, if not THE strongest choice.  And in the first episode, he managed to find an immunity idol, and smash Fairplay's head into a boat in the process, resulting in a hilarious feud in which Fairplay, the most notorious villain in Survivor history, tried to paint Yau-Man as the bad guy (although ironically, Fairplay's prediction came true and Yau WAS voted out the second he wasn't immune).  Anyway, aside from that first episode, Yau-Man was ignored because he wound up being the first victim of the Four Clique, and since they couldn't paint him as a negative asshole, they decided better that the fans not give a shit about him, since Parvati's our winner.  Granted, in ignoring him they also missed Yau-Man fucking up his alliance with Cirie and resulting in him being targeted due to Exile Island shenanigans.  But still, Yau-Man seemed pleasant enough and he didn't seem like he had a chip on his shoulder, like most returning players do, so I appreciate him for that aspect of what he brought to the season.


13. Ami Cusack (Survivor: Micronesia - 11th Place, 193/408)

When Ami came back for Micronesia, I was so excited because I figured she'd be the same feminazi she was in Vanuatu, and basically I assumed she would fill the role that Natalie wound up filling.  Instead, we have the first episode, and she's nice and pleasant and personable.  And it was kind of a let-down.  Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate nice Ami, which is why she outranks Yau-Man despite him basically being the same character while hers was worse than the original.  I mean, I can appreciate that Ami in Micronesia was one of the oldest players (in terms of season, not age), so she'd obviously changed the most from Vanuatu, and it softened her a little bit.  And her niceness was actually somewhat refreshing given how negative and shitty the Four Clique was.  But like Yau-Man, she was just under-utilized, and that sucked.  She had a blow-up with Cirie that we didn't really get to see.for some reason, and then she was constantly blue-balling those of us supporting the fans by refusing to work with them (although in reality, that's because Joel sucked, Chet got injured and was gonna be medevaced, and Ami wasn't about to risk a purple rock after that point).  Her final episode was cute, where she was finally happy and felt accepted, and waved a machete at Erik...right up until the other Favorites blindsided her and ruined yet another good player to potentially make the merge.  Such a shame, how Ami's story turned out.