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I think I'll go ahead and start my TAR5 write-up so I don't have to do it tomorrow morning.

Also posting this to see how long it will take (though I'm expecting a couple of interruptions anyway).

1. The Amazing Race 5

Wikipedia
Reality Blurred Archive

The Amazing Race 5 was the fifth installment of the American reality television show, The Amazing Race. It aired between July 6, 2004 and September 21, 2004.

So we got four TAR seasons with pretty iffy ratings, and it really started to look like the show wasn't going to last much longer. The show won an Emmy, and after much deliberation, it was finally renewed, albeit with some new twists and stunt casting. You'd think with limited Fast Forwards, the Yield, stunt casting (Big Brother's Alison, Miss Texas, a little person) that the show wouldn't be up to par with old seasons, but despite all those, it turned out to be incredible, gathering media attention and finding a new fan base. This was the season that was going to save The Amazing Race, and the producers ended up getting together one of the most amazing casts ever, putting them through one hell of a race course, and gave us something incredible. The drama, the excitement, the hilarity, the tension, this season had it all. Great characters, some amazing villains, and some daunting tasks that really tested the limits of some teams. Ladies and gentlemen, my favorite season of reality TV.

1. Changes. The Amazing Race was given a second chance, but from it were format changes. First, to cut costs, they cut down the number of available Fast Forwards to a whopping two, which pretty much destroyed the entire point of the Fast Forward, which was to give a team a chance to redeem themselves during a sloppy leg or whatever. They also added the Yield, where a team could choose to give a time delay to a team behind them in an attempts to slow them down, to cause tension between the teams, and it did bring drama the one time it was actually used. A new penalty was also added to non-elimination legs, where now the last-place team would lose all their money and start the leg with no money, meaning they had to beg for money like Blake and Paige did in TAR2 after losing their wallet. Eh, I'm not a fan of these changes myself, and though the Fast Forward is pretty much dead the other two eventually changed into the U-Turn (do both Detours) and the Speed Bump (non-elim last place team does an extra task), which I feel are improvements over the original formulas. Still, the limited Fast Forwards did encourage a large lead, the Yield aggravated a team into one of the most memorable TAR moments ever, and the mugging... meh. So not the best changes, but hell, they ended up working, so, whatever.
2. Dennis & Erika. A formerly engaged couple who decided to run the race together. I think Colin tripped Dennis the minute the race began, at least something minor happened there. Dennis, a self-proclaimed nice guy, allied with a couple of other teams (don't remember who) to get tickets, and ended up holding up a ticket booth at the airport while the other teams went to the other terminal to see which flight was faster, which pissed a lot of teams off and made Dennis look bad. Of course, that terminal was the slower flight, which Dennis & Erika got stuck on, leaving them at the back of the pack. The leg progressed, and then it came down to Dennis & Erika and another team for a taxi, and Dennis, who wanted to look like the nice guy, let the other team have it. Of course, at the time they were in last place, and from there they didn't really catch up and were eliminated first. I can't help but use the clichéd "nice guys finish last" here. Dunno whether they stayed together or broke up after the race, though Wikipedia says Erika became a TAR producer after the show, which is kinda neat I guess. Damn, that's a lot of words for the first boot and perhaps the dullest team of the season.
3. Alison & Donny. Alison was part of the stunt casting, as she was the runner-up on Big Brother 4. She went on the race with her boyfriend Donny, who watched her make out with several different guys in the house. The two argued and bickered constantly, yet somehow came in first place on the first leg, one of only four teams this season to get first. They continued bickering in the second leg, more severely, and they ended up getting lost during the dog-walking Detour, where Alison's sluttiness rubbed off on the other dogs as they started humping each other. They ended up switching, and after finishing the other task, Donny decided to take a bus instead of a cab, a big TAR mistake as other teams had no trouble passing them. They ended up coming in last, and even after they were eliminated they were still bickering at each other. Christ. No surprise that they broke up after the race, and Alison went on to do Big Brother All-Stars, where she managed to do even worse than on TAR by being the very first boot. I guess TAR4 was a fluke. But hey, we got rid of two of the dating couples in the first two legs!
   
4. Jim & Marsha. Father/daughter combo, they didn't start out that hot as Jim took a spill at the initial footrace and cut his knee up badly, requiring stitches and almost caused them to miss their flight. They struggled in the first leg and ended up barely avoiding elimination. In the second leg, they were told by Linda & Karen that they needed to exchange their money when they didn't, which slowed them down and made them think it was a deliberate attempt by the Bowling Moms to sabotage them (doubt it, but not sure it's confirmed either way). Still, they managed to catch up and get third place that leg, but in the next leg fell behind, maybe during a bad flight (I watched this just two weeks ago and I still don't remember) and ended up getting eliminated the third leg. Gotta respect Jim for fighting on despite his leg.
5. Bob & Joyce. The token old team, Bob & Joyce both lost their spouses to cancer and found each other on the internet, so they also doubled as the token "internet dating" team. They were actually decent in the beginning, staying in the front half the first three legs, and were pretty competitive. Of course, they also had a good sense of humor and supported each other the whole way through. Your basic old team, except they actually didn't suck. They ended up coming in last leg 4 because of bad airport luck (which seems to be a theme this season), which is a shame because they were our best bet to see an old team win the race, even considering the competition, and we wouldn't see another strong old team until Fran & Barry (though Meredith & Gretchen had a lucky run). Solid team overall.
6. Marshall & Lance. Two fat fucks who joined the race to promote their pizza place, Cafe Nostra, which is Italian for "Cafe Fat Fuck." For a couple of negative bitchy pieces of shit, they weren't completely horrible at the race, and they actually got second place in the first leg. They were constantly negative about everyone, complaining about the locals and even calling them stupid "foreigners." Marshall got in a fight with Mirna over airport drama, and then later when they passed the cousins one of them yelled out, "Bitch!" During leg 5, Marshall's knee started acting up, and by leg 6 they were going super-slow, leading to a hilarious showdown where the Bowling Moms were digging while Marshall and Lance were very slowly hobbling closer to the Roadblock, one of the funnier suspenseful edits we've seen. When they got there, they saw there were six other spots, and they decided to quit. Yeah, instead of just finishing the leg, which granted they would've been last and eliminated anyway, they decided to quit right then and there, causing Phil to have to go over there and eliminate them. Pathetic. They will always be known for those pathetic fat fuck quitters who went on the race to promote their pizza place where they probably take turns taking shits on the pizza. And apparently Marshall got married after the show, I guess to some alien species we've never heard of or something. Bleh.
7. Charla & Mirna. Charla was TAR's first little person, and she quickly won over the hearts of many Sucksters with her antics. Of course, as great as Charla was, she pales in comparison to the eccentric Mirna, who's even crazier. We got to see Charla carry a big slab of beef on her back after Mirna got tired of carrying it, which I believe was the scene that got Dennis Miller hooked on the show. They went on to have many more awesome moments, like Charla asking a prostitute where the disco club was, Charla getting electrocuted, Charla the hockey goalie, and so on. As for Mirna, she had a talent for arguing with teams, such as Marshall and Lance, and in particular she developed a rivalry between herself and Colin, first by trying to steal their cab, then by trying to steal a travel agent while Colin was talking to him, and then when Christie tried to block the cousins from the airport. This led Mirna to talk about how Colin was a dangerous criminal that needed to be locked up (which almost happened, as I'll explain shortly) and how Colin was jealous of Mirna and how he couldn't have her. Mirna also talked about how, while they used to be underestimated, the teams began overestimating them because of how strong they were. And honestly it wasn't that far off, since while they weren't the strongest team and didn't get any first places, they had some strong finishes and got second three times. Mirna also rocked the airports, which gave them a lead over the other teams in the Egypt leg, though a delay ended up screwing them over and left them in the back, where they couldn't recover (though the Bowling Moms, who were on the same flight, came back strong). Thus they were eliminated at the F6, and Charla ended with a speech so touching that even Phil was crying. Definitely an amazing team that made the first half of the season. Of course, being such a popular and awe-inspiring team, they got invited to All-Stars, and they were just as goofy, psychotic, and competent as they were here, even moreso since they made the F3 and finally scored some first-place finishes. Just a fantastic team overall.
8. Colin vs The Police. So at the start of Leg 8, the five teams had to take a taxi a long distance to an airport to go to Kenya. Colin chooses a cab for $100 and gets in. Along the way, the cab breaks down due to a flat, and they get passed by a couple teams. Eventually Kami & Karli's cab pulled over and gave them a spare, and they kept going. So after helping out a broken-down Linda & Karen and getting to the airport, Colin decides that all of a sudden, the contract was that he was only going to pay them $100 if he got him there in the same order as when he left. Because of the setback, Colin only pays the cab driver $50, which of course the driver calls bullshit on. Colin however refuses to pay him and leaves. The cab driver then brings a cop over, and Colin and Christie are taken to a police station, where Colin starts going off on his ridiculous bullshit, screaming and acting like a god damn lunatic. All over fifty fucking dollars and a flat tire. He keeps screaming about the driver driving on a rim, unsafe conditions, how he slowed them down, and even Christy believes Colin is being a fucking idiot, which causes Colin to yell at Christy for not backing him up. Eventually the flight is about to leave, so Colin finally gives up and throws the money at the cops. I mean, there were signs of Colin being a hothead before, but holy shit, Colin was batshit insane arguing over fifty fucking dollars. It's a shame he wasn't actually put in jail because, what a fucking nutcase. Christ.
9. Kami & Karli. Twin sisters who ran the race together. They started out looking kinda dumb, continuously missing clueboxes. They got in a stand-off with Chip over a taxi in leg 2, who stalled it so they could keep even, which made the twins angry at Chip. Of course, Chip helped the twins, who couldn't figure out the clue, in the Egypt leg, which saved them from last place. They started floating around the back of the pack, sticking around kinda like cockroaches. They kept making mistakes, screwing up, slowing themselves down, etc. until they were finally eliminated. Good for a few laughs if you can get past their pretentious-sounding way of talking. Meh.
10. Broken Ox. So Chip & Kim were allied with Colin & Christie, but they and the other teams knew that they were a very strong and competitive team, and that they needed to Yield them to try to get them eliminated. So Leg 11 comes, and with Colin & Christie behind, the other three teams quickly fight each other to get to the Yield, where Chip & Kim use the Yield on Colin & Christie, thus marking the only time this season the Yield is used. They get there, find out they were Yielded, and Colin gives a death stare to Chip. Though they don't seem freaked out at first and quickly do the task after the Yield finishes, they get more and more unhinged, with Christie so stressed out that she yelled at the driver to run people over. So the two came to the Detour last, choose the ox, and proceed to do it wrong, with Christie just standing back instead of leading the ox. Without being led, the ox just did its own thing, infuriating Colin, which led him to scream things at Christie such as "MY OX IS BROKEN!" and "THIS IS BULLSHIT!" and "I HATE YOU!" The most intense and competitive person in TAR history was melting down before our very eyes, and it was glorious. Finally, after Colin and Christie yelled at each other for awhile, they finally found a clue, and despite a couple setbacks by the other teams, C&C came in last place, where they were saved by a surprised non-elim. TAR has had many meltdowns before and after this, but this may just be the most memorable one of all. Colin screaming like a mad man, holding a huge temper tantrum, all over a fucking ox. Chip's plan to get Colin to self-destruct succeeded.
11. Linda & Karen. The Bowling Moms, these women weren't half bad at the race. They came in third the first leg, and though the middle of the race left them pretty low in the ranks, including getting the first non-elim, they held strong and never gave up. They'd pull off a few smart strategies, pull some risky moves, and just stay positive the entire time. They were the first FF team to reach the F4, and weren't surpassed until Lyn/Karlyn in S10. They actually got a couple impressive second-place finishes in the F5 and F4. They missed an important flight due to a bad taxi, and though they made a gamble that bought them some time, the pure physical aspect of the Roadblock still caused Colin to pass Karen, and thus they were eliminated, which was a shame since they were an impressive team. Considering some of the physically tough and demanding tasks that they had to do, these women were amazing, kicking all kinds of ass and were a decently strong team. Definitely one of the stronger FF teams, even if they don't appear to be.
12. Brandon/Nicole. Models who have Jesus on their side, giving the editors some great fodder to poke fun with. Nicole was Miss Texas, and the two were long-distance dating until just before the race. They were a decently strong team, getting two first-place finishes in the second and second-to-last legs, and weathered the tasks alright. Nicole did struggle with the caviar more than anyone else, but Brandon was patient and caring and talked her through it. Though Brandon was a calm and rational person, keeping calm during stressful times such as that iffy bus ride in Kenya where they got ripped off by some shady bus drivers, Nicole was a nutcase at times, yelling and crying over sometimes stupid shit. When they tried for the second Fast Forward and found out they'd have to shave their heads, they opted out and ended up so far behind that they got last on a non-elim. They made it all the way to the F3, but between Chip & Kim's flight advantage and Colin & Christie's psycho cab driver, they didn't really have a hope in the final leg and got third place. Kinda mediocre team overall, had some good moments, had some bad moments. It's kinda like Zach & Flo if they were dating and uber-Christian models. At least Flo didn't seem stuck up.
13. Colin & Christie. After fourteen seasons, they're still probably the most intense team in the history of the race. They actually started out rather low, due to the later flight in the first leg, though at leg 3 they got their first of six first-place finishes, and from there they became a powerhouse. They really stood out Leg 5, when they got a huge flight advantage that put them many hours ahead of the other teams, and on top of that got the Fast Forward to get an easy first-place finish seven hours ahead of the other teams. Of course, part of the reason they were so strong was because Colin was determined to win, with an intensity I don't think anyone, even Rob Mariano, has ever matched. When Colin didn't get his way, he got furious, as I've mentioned with the police and ox incidents. He constantly feuded with Charla & Mirna and actively tried to get them eliminated. They were pissed at Chip & Kim after the Yield incident, and though Colin of all people understood the decision, Christie didn't want to talk to them. I'll save the final race for its own bullet, but suffice to say they came in second place. Truly one of the most competitive teams we've ever seen, Colin and Christie dominated the race and still lost. They were invited back to All-Stars, but declined since at the time, Christie was pregnant. So in the end, these two finally found something more important than competition and winning, I guess.
14. The Finish. Final leg, the final three teams go to Canada, where Chip & Kim struggle, Nicole fucking bawls over riding a bike, and Colin & Christie of course kick ass. The dating couples make it and get on a flight, while Chip & Kim get there later and manage to find an earlier flight that opened up. The other teams manage to get on the same flight to Denver, but then C&C and B&N meet a setback when they can't switch flights due to checking their luggage, which they did so they could spend the rest of the leg without their packs. So Chip & Kim got a huge ten-minute advantage, but Colin & Christie had one of the craziest cab drivers I've ever seen waiting for them. Chip & Kim do the final task and leave just as C&C get there. They smoke the task, and it comes down to Chip & Kim vs Colin & Christie in an epic race. Chip & Kim get stuck in traffic while Colin & Christie's driver drives on the fucking shoulder of the highway, passing all kinds of traffic. It's intense, but the final taxi comes in, and we see...
15. Chip & Kim. The married black couple who spends 23 hours a day with each other. They started off sloppy, and blew a first place finish by missing a clue in the first leg. The next couple of legs, they continued struggling, getting into an altercation with the twins and just playing the bottom feeders into leg 4, where Chip passed Christie and Nicole in eating caviar into a first-place finish, the first of four such finishes. In Egypt, he helped other teams, including Brandon with the Detour, and with the twins to find the Detour, which knocked them behind Brandon & Nicole despite C&K finishing first. Chip pretty much did all the tasks while Kim worked behind the scenes with navigation and such, and they worked great, never seriously bickering like pretty much every other couple. Chip was jovial, high-spirited, and determined to win, and he was just a blast to watch in everything he did. When it came to the F4, Chip & Kim started playing more ruthlessly, Yielding Colin and Christie in an attempt to derail them, which clearly succeeded. They did luck into finding the game-winning earlier flight, netting them a precious ten-minute lead which propelled them into being the winners of The Amazing Race. They had some close calls, though they were the only team in the F5 not to get last in a non-elim, and did have more first-place finishes than anyone save Colin & Christie. They were a very strong team, but also entertaining and genuinely fun to watch, which makes them awesome winners.

Whew. Anyway, what an amazing season. So much happened thanks to the crazy cast, from those lovable cousins Charla & Mirna to the inspiring underdogs Linda & Karne to the intense Colin & Christie to the entertaining yet determined Chip & Kim. A great cast, some great locales, and just one fantastic experience. All of this combines into one fantastic season, and my favorite season ever. It's the season that saved a show, and god damn did they save it. Just amazing.

I actually hated them at first since I was posting at TWoP at the time and had that brainwashing Kool-Aid of Miss Alli's. I can see why people hate them, as they did act self-righteous, especially Mirna, and were hypocrites at time. I should've pointed that out as well. They really come off a lot better on All-Stars, though they're still fun to watch here if you don't mind them.

So I probably made that write-up more one-sided than necessary. But I definitely love them now and appreciate the humor they brought to both seasons they were on.

troynuncdicit wrote:

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Congratulations on finishing your ranking! I really enjoyed this one a lot, it was a really great read. I still don't remember too much about TAR5 now, but maybe that calls for a rewatch sometime soon??


On another note, your appreciation for the Celebreality shows makes me wanna watch some of the ones I've never seen. Do you know where I can rewatch them, or should I just wait for VH1 to show some marathons? I've tried the VH1 website and they only have clips, no full episodes.

I don't think VH1 airs reruns that much anymore. I think the TVGuide channel sometimes airs reruns of Flavor of Love and may have a couple more shows, not sure. A lot of the earlier shows, such as Flavor of Love, I Love New York, and Rock of Love are on DVD as well. Other than that, I guess torrents and IRC are your best bets. There's a good IRC channel that has plenty of reality shows, but I don't remember the server/channel. I may post the link here once I get to my desktop. They've got pretty much everything, and it's how I managed to download both seasons of Rock Star.