I have lurked for about two years now, but have never posted here. This was always a place I could come to get a good chuckle and read up on Survivor.
However, due to the recent decline of this place, I have decided to put my foot down. It is clear that order is needed among you stupid fucks, and I am ready to lay it down. When I come here now I do not get a good chuckle, and I do not read anything informative about Survivor. This distresses me.
In my first day as king of Sucks, I have decided to issue ten orders to you simpletons to hopefully make this place entertaining again.
My first official order will be to Double Edged Sword. You have been slacking with your negative caption pictures. As soon as a ghostie or a dumbshit starts a brainfart topic, I want to see you post a flaming image IMMEDIATELY. If you need practice, you can always practice on this thread. Thank you very much.
My second order goes to NlGHTCRAWLER. We need not MORE funny chop threads, but ONE chop thread to rule all. *See the Other Votes Jenny Would Cast thread for reference* Arass bubble ass chop thread does not count. That is retarded. You can do a lot better. Get on it.
My third order goes to smashbox. This place is in desperate need of krispykremes. Yeah, we all know it is you now, but that is still no excuse to abandon posting with him. He brought life and entertainment to this place, and his presence is sorely missed. If you post with him in this thread, you will earn major props with the King.
Order four is for Bassoon291 and Trouble in Tampa. Stop making every single thread veer wildly off topic. We have an Off-Topic forum for non Survivor related discussion. Take your discussions there.
My fifth order is for anyone with Cuauhtemoc in their name. It is fucking annoying and I dont know what it means. Either offer me a diatribe as to the meaning of Cuauhtemoc, or stop posting with those nics. They anger me.
Consider this my sixth order. Roadfinder, you need to return to Sucks proper. You are pathetic as hell, and your posting is gag inducing. Why do I ask you back then, you may ask? Because when people make fun of you it really gets my goat. I have never seen such pathetic message board fodder in my life. We need you back, for entertainment purposes.
SuperJude, my seventh order is for you. I enjoy the effort you give out flaming noobs and other retarded assholes, but the trademark thingy is so gay. Stop signing your posts immediately. Your flaming is somewhat contradictory when you lay the smack down on someone, making them look salty as a mug, but then you have the SJ and the TM and the end of your post. No one can take that seriously, the King included. Keep doing what youre doing, but lose the signature.
Order 8 goes out to AMAI and smokeitgood. We need more funny recaps AS SOON AS the next season starts. Fiji was the most disappointing season I have ever witnessed as far as humorous recaps go at Sucks. Pull your head out of your assholes please. Thank you.
Order 9 will go out to fanofcoils. I appreciate your MORPH and COLORFUL threads a lot. They give me a good chuckle whenever I see one started somewhere, but you only seem to post in your own topics. And then when they get locked you vanish for a good long while. You need to step up your consistency. I want to see 110% effort when you post on this board. Right now I am only seeing about 76%.
My tenth and final order goes to all the admins here at Sucks. You will unban Debb Eaton and all variations of that nickname. I dont know why you locked the Dump poetry thread, but that was some good shit right there. Debb is a wonderful poster, and this place hasnt been the same since she left. Also, it would be fun if you assigned custom subnics to all of the major posters here in the Sucks forum. They are loyal and they deserve it. It shows blatant favoritism when you will only do this for a select few people in OT. If you are unable or to lazy to do these things yourself, admin me and give me access to the control panel. It will be the best thing to happen around here in a long time.
Thank you for listening to my rants. Everyone follow the orders I have given you immediately and this place will flourish because of it. If you want to leave any questions or comments, go right ahead. Obey your King!!