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Here is the story of the final battle between toothpolish spokesmodel Colby, Outback Mama Tina, and epic bumbler Keith.


Mama totem to play nice.
TYPE OF CHALLENGE: Ancestors Revisited in a Walkabout

The Australian Aborigine Dreaming Time links the past, the present and the future. Following various rituals and the use of totems and symbols, the Dreaming Time is revisited often through a journey known as as a walkabout.

Paint brushes ready. Begin. Slap, dash...and they are off, creating their offering for the all-important final Immunity Challenge.

Walking...climbing...dunking.... Dripping, our Final Three begin their walkabout to visit the tribe's ancestors.

What's this? A cutout of Michael with red hands? Answer the question correctly and make a symbolic, primitive offering.

On to the next...oops, a real person here. It's Alicia. Answer her question and make your offering. On it goes until the end.

Awash in aboriginal lore, who has the endurance to win the final IC?
The person whose totem guides them safely through the test of knowledge of their fallen tribal ancestors wins the necklace.

And that person is...

Tina.

Now where's the river....gotta look presentable when the votes...er, vote...is cast.


Now all sparkling clean and sporting the ugly emblem, Tina tries to smother a broad grin.

Sit straight, shoulders back. Tenshun....Jeffie wants to know how hard your decision will be. Deep breath. "Id'ull bee the ardes desishun of mah liiife."

Firm step; back straight; shoulders back; squeak of marker. Take your seat. 'Tis done.

Tension mounts. 15 minutes of filming pass. Jeff is struggling to read the small print of the novel Tina has written, "Zoom in the gal-danged camera. Maybe I can read it then."

Zooming, zooming, zooming, zooming. "Ah, it is Colby."

A Texas-size gasp...tears running....Tex bandana out. Tina and Colby hug and cry uncontrollably. Ok, maybe not. Finally, Colby walks, Texas tall, to the snuffing area.

Colby, the Mama of the tribe has spoken. Time for a shower, shave, and surgical removal of that knife in your back.

If you want your kids to be the winner of "Survivor 23: South-central Los Angeles", then Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboy.

Ousted: Colby. Final Two: Keith and Tina


Ten minutes of commercials. Brief bit of drama. Ten minutes of commercials. Brief bit of drama. Etcetera.

As another madcap episode of "Will and Grace" ends, viewers click their remotes in time to see Tina and Keith approaching the Tribal Council for the last time. With no Immunity Necklace to be won, Tina turns in another shoot-yourself-in-the-foot performance in 20 questions with Jeff Probst. Keith, the bumbler, reverses his stumbling trend and acquits himself well in front of the jury.

The jury grabs their moment in the spotlight. Jerri turns in a brilliant performance. As the rest of the jury takes their turns, MB apparently needed to fill time because two previously unseen people (who are Nick and Amber?) are allowed to participate with the rest of the castaways.

The cameras roll as the jury scratches out their votes one by one with ancient aboriginal Sharpies. Probst gathers the votes and locks them up as a cameraman sneaks off to Fed-Ex a tape of the jury voting to his nephew in Chicago.

Live in Los Angeles, Probst unlocks the votes and begins to read:

Tina. (From Bessy)
Tina. (From Colby)
Keith. (From Alicia)
Keith. (From Amber)
Tina. (From Rodger)
Keith. (From Nick)

Votes tied 3-3. With one vote left, let's see, whose vote hasn't been read... Ahh, Jerri. Sorry Keith, looks like you're the $100,000 winner but a million dollar loser.

But wait...
Rumblin, bumblin, stumblin... He COULD... GO... ALL... THE...WAY!

Last vote: Keith.

Keith Wins the title of Ultimate Survivor


Epilogue: The MESS Hall had a lot of discussion, a lot of disagreement about these picks, but we also had a lot of fun. While the events above may be pure fiction, they represent the consensus of the MESS.

The tribe has spoken.


(See everyone for S3!)