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GodIsAnAtheist wrote:

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OMG, finally a chance to say what I've always wanted to say under the guise of a "friendly roast"!

AK, you have to pretty much be the most annoying twuntess in Sucks history. You've been here for what? Like 4 months? And you're ALREADY flaming people and trying to act like you're a part of the group here? Yeah, ok. And what the fuck is up with perhaps the MOST UNFUNNY FLAME-NAME in the history of Survivor Sucks, "b00b n00b"? What the fuck is that, seriously? I understand that you are a gorilla-sized butch dyke who is about 150-200% more fugly than any random person in the burn unit of the nearest hospital, but unless you have the mental capacity of a fully matured stroke victim with Down's Syndrome, Alzheimer's, and Amanda's mutant strain of crabs that she caught from Ozzy who caught it from Parvati who caught it from Jenna Lewis that causes one to become a complete fucking moron, you can't POSSIBLY think that ANYONE would be offended by the term, "b00b n00b."

Honestly, I was searching my soul trying to discover even ONE redeeming quality about you, but I find your obsessiveness over other females (which would normally be attractive in a lesbian, such as the women of the hit Showtime show, "The L Word") to be repulsive. It's so disgusting, that I would much rather wade through a 1,000 page dissertation written by Cuauhtemoc "Tetanus Ass" Dicktasteslikeshit about how much he loves the wild stallion known as Danielle DiLorenzo and how involved he is in organizations that rally against the slaying of the world's beautiful and majestic thoroughbreds for no reason other than to use them for glue, than I would EVER want to open a thread in which I would knowingly come across any posts referencing your seriel killer-like stalkerish fascination with any of the female contestants of Survivor. In fact, I left to go vomit 37 times while writing that paragraph because I find your love for Amanda so annoying (38).

Please, please, PLEASE, for the love of all that is good and great about life, do us all a favor and kill yourself.

And not just kill yourself, I mean, you need to treat yourself like you are an amalgamation of Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees, and Michael Myers all rolled into one, female, and 400 pounds heavier. Some sequence of death (preferably orchestrated in many layers with the assistance of teenagers from the nearest high school) similar to the following would be most appropriate:

A 10-ton boulder is attached to your leg, sinking you to the bottom of the lake and causing you to drowned. Then, 20 years later, your body is ressurected, your head is cut off, your body is chopped into several tiny pieces, then burned in one last, final ceremony to commemorate the pain and torture you've caused the world.

Naturally, 100 years in the future, a scientist would come across your DNA, which was archived in the top-secret US databases in order to research the mind of sociopathic, obsessive killers, and attempt to create life based on nothing more than a 120-year old blood sample. Of course, this would be successful, and you would kill everyone in the laboratory except the scientist's teenage daughter, who, in the awesome final battle, would lock you in a cryogenic prison aboard a rocket, and blast your body into outer space, forever ruining Earth of your reign of terror.

It doesn't end here, though. Your rocket somehow blasts apart, and your cryogenic tomb is picked up out of the depth of space/Hell by 50 teenagers who are having a space party aboard the ship Dude 13. Unknowingly, while having premarital, underage sexual intercourse, the young teenage boy accidentally releases you from the tomb by accidentally fucking a vagina-shaped button on the lock. You then are resurrected and kill 49 of the 50 teenagers. After you finally kill the girlfriend that he was supposed to lose his virginity to, the original teenager who released you will detonate the spaceship's failsafe nuclear bomb, which will instantly incinerate all molecules in a 10-light-year radius, thus saving the day for the rest of the life forms in the universe, and bringing this tumultuous chapter in the History of Time to a close.

Thank you, and good night.

Wow. Scout posted in AK's thread.