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OK, bitches. I have a nasty cold and nothing but time on my hands. I don't know if I'll ever do anything like this again, but for your pleasure:

It's just hamburger casserole. Look out for bones.

They say it takes more certainty than talent to be a star. I mean… Look at John Stamos.

I told Figgins that you are going to have a school full of nancys unless you get some hot wood in those teenagers' hands.

I'll never hitchhike across Europe. That was a dream, man.

My life is a disaster with no creative outlet other than writing my "Desperate Housewives" fan fiction.

Sandy. We voted. When you're in the group, it's creepy.

What's a cliché? Is that a bad thing?

Ladies, I learned a lot in special forces. I was on the strike team in Panama when we extracted Noriega. We took out the shepherd, and then we went after the sheep.

Have you ever kissed anybody?
- Yes, if by someone you mean the tender crook of my elbow.

Special Ed kids will get more play than we will.

Every moment in your life is an opportunity for fashion.

We just sold all 17 copies of your CD.
- And I didn't have to show any of them my bosoms.

I need those parents happy. They found out we've been serving their children prison food.

Who is Josh Groban? Kill yourself.

Josh and I have become frequent pen pals since he accidentally friended me on MySpace.

You can't leave rehearsals for any reason. That includes heat exhaustion or Crohn's Disease.

It's hard being the quarterback when I get in the huddle and all of the guys are calling me deep throat.

Is that a nipple ring?
- Yeah. I'm kinda rock and roll.

If you screw this up for me, I swear to you I will stick my fist so far down your throat you will taste my armpit hairs.

Dude. My bowels have better moves than you.

You guys play baseball, right? What does your coach tell you about hitting?
- If you charge the pitcher, bring the bat.

We need to have a gayvention. That's a gay intervention.
- It's K-kurt. He's lady fabulous.

The way you use your mental illness to help these kids is really inspiring. I'm shocked you're not married.

Artie, you're cut. You're not trying hard enough.
- At what?
- At walking.

You is gotta go, jefe.

Why don't you shut your face gash and stay away from aerosol cans because you could burst into flames at any second.

He's here! He's here! Josh Groban is here! Front row, big brown eyes, cute as a buttermilk biscuit. I barfed.

Throngs of screaming teenagers don't do it for Josh Groban. No. Josh Groban loves a blowsy alcoholic.

My dad took my baby away after he found my tiara collection in my hope chest.

I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office. I'm revoking your tanning privileges for the rest of the season.

Shagnanigans wrote:

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"You is gotta go, jefe."

It's Effie, actually, not jefe. A Dreamgirls reference. :)

Of course it is. Damn NyQuil gelcaps, taking me up to the Bronx instead of down Broadway.

Still, the writers missed an obvious opening. When they fired Dakota, Mercedes had a perfect opportunity to turn on him and say, "And I'm telling you, I'm not going."