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The Real Housewives Of NJ: Danielle's Glowing Resume

Looking for a little before bedtime reading that'll make your toe nails perspire? Well, The Smoking Gun dug up reports from Danielle Staub's 1986 arrest which was briefly mentioned in the book Cop Without A Badge. You know, THE BOOK.

The report on TSG is longer than a Xerox machine manual, but it's worth every second. For those of you with a serious case of ADD, here's the gist of the report (it's still long):

When Danielle was living in Miami in 1986, she worked as an escort (*cough*vagina vendor*cough*) and went by the name of Angela Minelli. One of Danielle's johns was Daniel Claudio Aguilar. Daniel was a major coke dealer for the Colombian Cartel. In June of that year, Daniel sold two kilos of the bad shit for $48,000 to some dudez. Danielle's neighbor, Carmen Centolella, brokered the deal. Before the deal became final, Daniel sent Danielle to Carmen's apartment with one kilo of coke for testing. The dudez who were going to buy the shit turned on Danielle, stole the coke and ran off!

Daniel blamed Carmen, beat his ass and then held him for ransom. Danielle was in on the kidnapping and made several calls to Carmen's father demanding $25,000 for his son's life. Carmen's daddy called the FBI. They traced the calls back to Daniel's apartment where they found Danielle. They arrested her ass and confiscated $16,000 cash and six kilos of coke. They also busted Daniel.

In order to save herself, Danielle turned on Daniel and agreed to work with prosecutors. She pleaded guilty to one count of extortion. When Danielle got out of jail, she received several threatening phone calls from a lady who said shit like, "Your life is at an end, honey." Danielle and the authorities both believe the threats were coming from Daniel's people. Danielle's apartment was also broken into several times.

During Daniel's trial, his lawyers pained Danielle as a prostitute coke whore. Daniel was found guilty and sent to prison. He got out in 1994.

When Danielle came off of probation in 1988, a doctor asked the court to keep her in a rehab program due to her drug history and lifestyle.

ESCANDALO! Teresa was right all along! You know after reading this shit, Teresa's Planet of the Apes hairline busted off forehead, crawled up to the nearest mountain top, pounded its chest and shouted "PROSTITUTION WHORE!!!!"

I would flip a table over this shit too, but I'd rather dance on top of one to celebrate Danielle/Beverly/Angela. Bitch knows how to live!

I just hope they turn this into a Cinemax (Lifetime won't do it justice) movie starring Pete Burns as Danielle.