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It is a sad day in the Hills...... thous is over until the winter thaw ends and the sun that perpetually shines returns to glow upon our residents whose drama laden lives are only matched by the sullenness of Sir Justin Bobby Danny Whatever......

I would begin and the beginning but my mind does not wrap around the time much as the editors wrap around logic apparently. It has been either a week a day or hours since the wedding of the century or just some weird drunken commitment ceremony common to gays and people in Vegas by He who shall not be named and his Lady the Whore. At the workplace of the Whore she announces to her superior the state of her marital life and is greeted with a reaction one would expect when announcing said news..... dead silence.

We then see the Princess and her Lady in Waiting the she bitch going to the coiffure shop where they discuss the type of "dos" they will possess when they attend the celebratory event hosted by the The Lady who is The now Married Whore. The said do's I can only hope were inexpensive as they looked like something I could do when I passed out drunk, had sex with a stranger and then tried to just stumble up and get them kicked out while making coffee and removing the stains from the sheets. Only with less bed head.

We then of course in time travel or whatever find the Lady of the Dead Eyes with the Jester Sir Justin Bobby Danny Scummy Whatever looking quite Sir Easy Rider on his Harley Chopper with the high handle bars riding to Palm Springs without a shirt or even sunblock. The sun shines but never burns those in the Hills apparently. They arrive a the trendy and elite boite the Viceroy where the average room is 500 a night and private bungalows significantly more but not too much more than a seemingly unemployed Sunset Boulevard rat can afford but who needs money in the Hills, that is for poor people or those not on an MTV budget. The exchange and by that I mean a dialogue that if you could call it that when its primarily such loving moments as "dude, this is great" "we do good when there are no friends in your ears" "we have dude with that and champagne" I have contacted the top linguists who are working on translating this exchange for future generations as a model of romance and passion for the 21st century.

Back to the home of the now "married" Lady and her "husband" and we find the mother has arrived. Be this the next day, week, month, hour of the nuptials is irrelevant or even how she knew of the "secret" ceremony that took place in the foreign country is unknown or that her copy of US Weekly gets to her sooner than most may be the reason. Much indignation is expressed that the wedding of a princess was instead done in dirty Mexico hopped up on Tequila. The groom/pimp/douchebag demands that he receive the respect he neglects to give to anyone and then promptly stomps off handling conflict as he expected by a man who is unemployed and yet seems to think his value is that of one with real work and education.

Back to the Springs where we witness further exchanges of unintelligible dialogue between Sir Justin Bobby Danny and She of the Dead Eyes that further mysties the crew and in fact the staff that no one comes even to take their order as they have no clue of what the hell is going on. A ring is brought out of the mouth of Sir JBD which given the other potential choices perhaps is the least offensive and he presents it to her with no reason or explanation. She of the Dead Eyes seemingly understands the mutant conversation and accepts or doesn't.. .the linguists are still working on the earlier exchange.

Then we arrive at the boite which is at night and that pretty much sums up the Hills.. days are days into nights into weeks into hours into years which is how they seem to also explain their friendships, lives and jobs. Much grimacing and worries are exchanged for it is the meeting between the two Princesses after the feuding of their "lifelong" friendship came to an end with the entrance of He Who Shall Not be Named, Sir Douchebag..... the dialogue is stilted and by that it means the two forgot their lines thanks to the lubrication of much liquor so to fill time the Whore asks our Lady if she is working out a lot... well at least she gets credit for trying to improvise.. something forbidden on the Hills. No resolution but there was a need to fill US Weekly with stuff other than the wedding.

Meanwhile back to the Desert and we witness further love proclamations or something between Sir JBD and his lady.... the linguists are working overtime tonight clearly.

And finally we end with the legal ceremony about to occur between Sir Douchebag and His Lady the Whore . The are with his sister whose obsession with the vest made of roadkill found by Sir JDB on one of his Easy Rider road trips is becoming distracting. The Lady who just arrives for her nuptials of course immediately has to conveniently and purposfully as indicated by the script to go the restroom to freshen up her already well troweled made up face so that the brother and sister can have a confidential exchange as written and filmed by the cameras warning him that this is not the way to marry the woman he supposed loves.

The groom who never listens to anyone and on most other occassions ignores and treats his sister as a scullery made..and given her propensity for that fur vest it is understandable.... he enters the chamber of the Lord Sassy Black Judge woman. The ceremony begins and suddenly the Groom ceases to proceed. He at that moment stops the faux ceremony that was never going to happen because the script told him so and says to his Lady let you have the wedding you deserve and we can have paid for by MTV what do you say... of course the Lady agrees as the script has informed her that is what she is to say and they leave the Chamber of the Sassy Black Judge. If they cannot have their own sequel like the other dumb blonde they know they can at least finagle a wedding.

And then we see the skyline of the Hlls and we realize that life does not end only just another season, a season not like those in nature or in fact reality, but a season that is the HILLS.. SCENE OUT.