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I for one am sick of all the crappy talents on Miss America. Watching girls caterwaul Broadway tunes, dance en point, play piano pieces, and do tepid operatic exercises is not a demonstration of good talent. I'd love to see a more diverse array of talents, and real talents at that, on Countdown to the Crown and during the actual competition. Last year, Miss Iowa wanted to do fire baton-twirling, but she didn't even get a chance to twirl her flame-less batons. I remember that in the 2002 finals, Miss Nevada did a dramatic monologue taken from The Matthew Shepard Story. That was pretty good. And Angela Perez Baraquio did a stunning hula the night that she won. And there was one girl years ago whose talent was some type of country line dancing and she ended her piece by doing a backflip into splits, wearing high-heeled boots. Ouch.

Here are some talents that Miss America should show more of:

• fire baton-twirling
• pole dancing
• rapping
• stand-up comedy
• doing buttery nipple shots from one's vagina (wait, wrong show)
• bodybuilding
• car repair
• magic tricks
• marksmanship
• silk acrobatics or whatever they're called (you know, acrobats performing from giant swaths of silk hanging from the ceiling)
• lip-synching
• hip hop dancing
• orgasm-faking
• breaking stuff with one's breasts

Okay, most of those will never see the light of day at Miss America, and some of those talents may not be representative of what MAO considers the "ideal" young American woman. But it would be nice to see something different.