I keep finding myself starring at him trying to see a quick glimmer of his old self to hold on to. I watch his every move as if a spark of hope will arrive any minute now. But, then confusion sets back in, like a cold wet fog and overshadows everything even his smile. As madding and frustrating as this disease is it is the inability to provide a sense of calm and well being that is the most troubling. Again and again, again and again, again and again the cycle cannot be broken we start over and over and over and over with the basic needs and fears. Only the prime thoughts are captured now and relived to no apparent conclusion. The simplest choices in life are reduced to the thought that using a fork or a spoon for ones meal is a mind numbing experience. There are no building blocks to which to build only fragments left from a once grand temple scattered beyond recognition
There is not a word in the English language or any other language for that matter, that can describe the emotions involved in caring for a family member with Alzheimer's.
