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Episode 1

So we let the Survivors pick their own tribes, which is always risky, and this episode only reinforces why it is probably not a great idea.

What were the people on the Fang tribe thinking? I am constantly amazed at the choices that get made on this show. Friday morning quarterbacking is easy to do on Survivor but some of the choices still make me scratch my head. It's not the last time they'll make questionable choices either.

I loved the opening-challenge dilemma of either selfishly racing to the top of the hill or selflessly staying behind to help your tribe. Actions speak louder than words. Marcus and G.C., good for you. Hope that first episode immunity really pays off for you 'cause it may cost you later.

Not sure what to make of Ace. I love him on the show. He's gold. But I have the same question everybody else probably has…is the accent real? If not, how much effort does it take to keep it "on" all the time?

Did you see Crystal hoofing it up the side of that hill? Crystal is a former Olympic athlete. Wait, GOLD MEDALIST! I thought for sure she was pretending to be slow as a strategy, but she wasn't. She said she was used to "lighter shoes." Fair enough. She was a track star not a rock climber.

Randy getting injured was a nice bonus for episode 1. Anytime there is an injury, along with blood or stitches, it's usually good for the show. Randy is going to be a star if he can last long enough. Everything he says cracks me up. I also think most of it is heartfelt. He's mean as an alley cat, and trust me they're mean.

But nobody can touch Corinne on the Bitch meter. I only feel comfortable saying this because Corinne told it to me in person. She said it drives her nuts when somebody says she is "pleasant" or "nice," it's insulting. She wears it like a badge of honor and I'll be bringing it up for as long as she is around. In her favor, Corinne plays the game hard, she knows how important alliances are, and if she forms a good one she could be around for a while.

Question: Is Corinne more or less hot now that you know she'd burn your house down if she got mad at you? Corinne, I hope you're laughing. You know I'm joking. If not, I sure hope you don't know where I live.

One of my favorite moments is the "termite love scene" between Kenny and Michelle. Makes me laugh and smile every time I see it. They were both so earnest and Michelle so cute when she ate the termite. I was hoping something might develop there…

…but instead, Michelle disappeared.

Not sure what happened to Michelle's attitude. I had her picked as a favorite in my preshow picks. Yes. A favorite. Something happened and her zeal disappeared. A major disappointment. I'm sure it was tough for her as well.

Episode 1 is over. Kota dominating. Fang in trouble.

Episode 2

The mismatched tribes continue to haunt Fang. I kept reminding them, "Quit complaining. You did it to yourselves." I like being a pain in the ass. Sometimes, like today as I write this blog, that's just the kind of mood I'm in.

The real truth is I would probably make equally foolish decisions if I had to step up and actually play the game. Instead I get paid to comment without ever having to put my money where my mouth is. Yes, I'm aware.

At the first tribal council, G.C. reluctantly accepted the leadership position. The question is how long will he last and how effective will he be? I would have never chosen him as my leader. This is the guy that raced ahead to get immunity for himself. It is a sign. Fang is in major trouble at this point. They're all afraid to do anything and coming from a place of fear is never a good idea.

Over at Kota, Ace is cracking me up. I love him! Doing yoga in his orange shorts with the accent and never ever breaking character. Major kudos.

Sugar cries a lot. Just warning you. But I think you're going to like her. Maybe even root for her.

Marcus is getting a lot of love from everybody. They love his leadership, they love that he's a doctor, and they love how calm he is. He drove us nuts as producers because he was telling everybody to act rationally! What?! What are you doing? Quit ruining Survivor, dude. Marcus is waaaay too good for this game. He could easily win. When we were out on location it seemed that every girl wanted him, even half of our production crew. That's just annoying.

Dan's visit to Exile Island tells you everything you need to know about Dan. He's lovable and extremely well-intentioned but he overthinks everything. He's Hamlet. Trust me when I tell you, finding the idol is not that difficult, as you'll see in upcoming episodes. He just plain overthought it. Too bad, the idol is a powerful weapon. I love that his tribe thinks that because he is overdoing it with his admission that he doesn't have it, that he probably does have it! If they only knew the truth, they'd hope for him to be sent to Exile every single time.

Another tribal council for Fang, and Gillian is gone. I have to say the truth about Gillian. And Gillian, if you're reading this, I say this with love. Gillian is a very nice person and she absolutely means well. She was so excited to be on the show, she had applied every season! She is originally from South Africa and when she found out we were going back to her homeland she was thrilled. I actually liked Gillian quite a bit during casting. But once the show started, Gillian...you became a little annoying. You simply talked too much without saying anything substantive. You were a cheerleader and let's face it, cheerleaders are…well, annoying. We hated to see you go, but if you hadn't been voted out, we may have removed you ourselves. Gillian, you're smiling right? It's a blog. I'm just having fun. If you're not smiling and you're mad, please don't tell Corinne where I live.

Episode 2 done. Fang down 2 members. Kota still going strong.

Next week on…Survivor: Fang needs a win. Sugar needs a Kleenex.

Okay, that's it for this week. More next week. Reporting for Dalton Ross and Entertainment Weekly, I'm JPiddy.