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 TimmyTAR |
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Posts: 565 (08/16/08 1:22 PM) Registered user |
*Jeff lets these words soak in then realizes what Joey actually meant.*
Jeff: Oh. Excuse me for one sec. *Jeff turns to Zoila to find her walking towards the rich bitches.* Zoila: Let's go have fun, girls! Jeff: What have I done? |
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smileyriley14 |
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Posts: 1449 (08/16/08 1:24 PM) |
Antoinette: I like jeff betta than Zoila!
Portia: Ewww why Zoila is morez fuzzies!! |
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Thingamajig |
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Posts: 2715 (08/16/08 1:29 PM) Registered user |
May: Max, this is booooring
Max: Shut up, May. Play with your Pokemon instead May: Good idea... GO, BEAUTIFLY Beautifly: #Beautifly# May: Beautifly, use gust and blow all the other racers away Max: Uuuh, no May. That's cheating May: Well can I use Blaziken on them? Max: NO!!! May: Oh well. Beautifly, return |
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TimmyTAR |
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Posts: 566 (08/16/08 1:29 PM) Registered user |
Jeff: *Inner monologue* Wow, they really like me! They really really like me! Hmm...the action seems to have died down a little. Maybe I should get Zoila ready
and stop speaking in my head.
Jeff: *Towards the Italian mobsters* No thanks, I don't want to murder them yet. *At Zoila* Come on, Z! Let's get ready to race! Zoila: Happy fun time with everybody! |
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smileyriley14 |
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Posts: 1450 (08/16/08 1:30 PM) |
Portia: ZOILA LOOK A BUTTERFLY!!!!
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Funkey 01 |
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Posts: 1897 (08/16/08 1:36 PM) |
Katsuya wrote:Joey: Geeez, Don. Maybe we greased the production staff a little too much. Don: Yup. Looks like they took the cash and skipped town. Joey: Can't blame anyone for doing that. But to not show up to the start of their own race is pretty weak. |
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maximillian |
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Posts: 1627 (08/16/08 1:36 PM) |
Owen: *looks at Portia & Antoinette* Wow. Those girls' heads are just filled with air.
Caleb: Don't go criticising others, moron. You aren't that smart yourself. Owen: And you are what? A freaking doctor wanna-be! Before you try to wield a scalpel, Gaylord, practicin' a little more enema would do you good,
Last Edited By: maximillian
08/16/08 1:39 PM.
Edited 1 times.
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Katsuya |
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Posts: 2032 (08/16/08 1:39 PM) Registered user |
Sorry, sorry. Minor emergency with my glasses breaking delayed things >_>. I'll put up intros in a coupel of mins.
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smileyriley14 |
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Posts: 1451 (08/16/08 1:39 PM) |
Portia: I HAVE A AIR HEAD!! YEA!!! MONEY!!!!
Antoinette: Ok her head is filled with air haters. I HATE YOU!!!
Last Edited By: smileyriley14
08/16/08 1:42 PM.
Edited 1 times.
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TimmyTAR |
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Posts: 567 (08/16/08 1:43 PM) Registered user |
*Zoila sees the Beautifly before May has the chance to return it*
Zoila: Ay dios mio! El diablo! Jeff: The dev--What? Zoila: The butterfly! It devil! Jeff: *Spots the Beautifly which May promptly returns to her Pokeball* Um, that was a Pokemon. Zoila: Poke-man? Jeff: Close enough. It's a friendly monster Japanese kids play with. Zoila: Why wouldn't they just get a dog or cat? Jeff: They eat them, remember? Zoila: Shut up, Jeff. That racist. |
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smileyriley14 |
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Posts: 1452 (08/16/08 1:44 PM) |
Portia: Umm Jeff is stupid. I'm smarter!!! Antoniette: Watever |
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Katsuya |
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Posts: 2033 (08/16/08 1:45 PM) Registered user |
Wan: This is Lowe's Motor Speedway, here in Concord, North Carolina. Considered to be the "home base" of NASCAR, it will be the starting point on a very special journey - one across Asia. Christian: Ten teams are going to--okay, look, can we cut the cheesy intro crap? Everyone knows exactly what's going to happen, they wouldn't be reading if they didn't figure out this is the Amazing Race. Teams of two, relationships, $1 million prize, yadda yadda yadda. They're really only here for me. Wan: For us. Christian: But mainly for me. Wan: No. Christian: All about my fierceness. Wan: Let's just meet the fucking teams. Caleb & Owen; Stepson & Father, from Melbourne, Australia...(maximillian) Owen: G'day, mates! Owen-bomb here. Greetin' from Ozzie. Hey what's the matter? Why you poutin', huh, my son? Haha. Caleb: A scum like you is not my father. So shut the hell up. Owen: Boohoo, you gonna cry again, little ol' McOwen? Anyway, the name is Owen O'Dandey. 20 years old. I'm a school dropout, as y'all mates can see. Caleb: That's not even a good thing to talk about yourself. *rolls eyes* Anyway, I'm Caleb Nolorey. I'm a nurse school graduate. Now I'm working shifts at ER three days a week. About him? Umm....my mother just married this son of a bitch. Owen: Bring it on, Kenny. Just so you know this son of a bitch is ridin' your mommy like a Seabiscuit. Caleb: How dare you! *attempts to assault Owen* You are five years younger than me! So don't you dare saying that in my face, you freaking bastard! Owen: Well, well, well. Could you please respect your 'old man'? I'm not planning to become a child-beater, you understand, himbo? Caleb: Whatever you say. Not that I'm so wanting to waste my breath with you uneducated jerk anyway. If it's not for my mother's "good will" to try to mend our so-called "relationship", I would stay away from this piece of trash in a heartbeat. Owen: Cheers to our victory. Now you drive, Mrs. Driver, I'll be sleepin' in a back seat. Kelly & Heather; Friends, from Manchester, New Hampshire...(Nimberlane) Kelly: Get ready betches, because Heather and I are about to rock this shit. Heather: Yeah. Kinda sucks we're only going to be racing in Asia though. Kelly: Hey, if Christian Siriano has taught me anything, it's that Asians are hella fierce. I'm excited about this Asia-centric race. Heather: Oh. Yeah. I forgot that he'll be hosting this thing with that Wan chick. Kelly: It is going to be a total betch storm at pitstops. And I'm going to love it! Heather: If you say so. I'll be on the lookout for vampires. I'm kinda sexually deprived you know. Kelly: Honey, if you're able to find any vampires in Asia of all places then you are truly blessed. Heather: I know. Hey, what did your parents say about you doing this race? Kelly: *rolls eyes* What they always do. Make fun of me like the shetbags they are. Heather: Weak. I would bite your brother but then I'd have to put up with him following me around like a puppy dog. He already looks as if he's always this close to humping my leg. Kelly: Eww. I bet his blood tastes like failure. Heather: Probably. Hey we should talk about why we want to do this race. Kelly: I'll be honest. I want all of Asia to know of the awesomeness that is Kelly. Can you imagine what'd it'd be like if I became an overnight sensation there? Heather: That'd be totally hot. Kelly: You bet your sweet vampiric ass betch! I'm planning on holding impromptu concerts... and maybe even shoot a music video. I really hope Wan and Christian want to be in it. That would definitely shoot me to the top. Heather: Well, I'm doing this race to hopefully pay for my grandmother's much needed liver transplant. Kelly: *gasps* Are you... serious? Heather: *nods* Yep. She also wants to go back to Transylvania one last time... I really want to make her dream come true. Kelly: Aww, Heather... *t.ears up hugs her* Heather: *hugs back* Thanks you betch. Kelly: *wipes face* You know what? I think we're done with this interview. Let's go shopping! Heather: *smirks* You read my mind. Sue & Charles; Formerly Divorced Couple, currently residing in Beijing, China...(yope3041) Charles: Seven years ago I would be able to sit in this chair and tell you that our relationship was peachy keen. Sue: But that isn't exactly the case now, is it? Charles: No, DEAR, it isn't. Sue: You see, America, we're pending a second divorce. Charles: And although I wouldn't necessarily blame my dearest SUE, here for this, we've suddenly gone broke. Sue: Yes, it's strange isn't it dear that we suddenly have no money. Charles: Certainly babe, its normal for people to crash my Ford...twice. Sue: Well honey I told you fuel efficient is the way to go, but did you listen? No. Charles: Yes Sue, I'm sure America hears your pleas for global awareness. *Confessional pause* Charles: We NEED this money. Sue: Our attorney's fees are reaching into the high quintuple digits. Charles: And as a couple we actually do not have enough money to finish out this divorce. Sue: I am trapped with HIM in a house that is getting foreclosed upon. What more incentive could you need to race? *eye roll by Charles* Charles: You really won't find another team like us, because, most divorcees aren't stupid enough to remarry a drama queen like Sue. Sue: Or a chauvinist like Charles. Charles: I'm embarrassed to be associated with you. Let's just do this for Mr. Black's wallet so that we can get this over with. Sue: Yeah, do it for the attorney! Antoinette & Portia; Blonde Heiresses, from New York City...(smileyriley14) Antoinette: *In high squeaky voice * HI PEOPLE!!!! I am Antoinette. My daddy is rich!!!! Portia: *In little girl voice* HI!!!! PEOPLE!!! I am Portia!!!! My daddy is more richer than her daddy!!!! Antoinette: WHATEVER!!!!! *cries* Portia: Aw I'm sorry!!! So any way my dad is A…..a….uhhhhhh A rich man!!!! I love money!!!!!!! I love shopping!! I love riding in my personal jet!!!!!!! Antoinette: HAHA you have a personal jet? I have a house in Portugal. *whispers to the camera* I'm not sure where that is Portia: Anyway, were here to prove to other people wrong that we are not dumb! Antoinette: Yeah!!! WE also want to makes our daddies, and his ex wives and our maids and butlers and chauffeurs and also our handlers, and Pool boys and chefs proud!!! Portia: O AND our dogs and cats! Antoinette: THEY don't care if we win. Do they? Portia: I don't know!! LOOK MONEY!!!! Antoinette: YEAH MONEY!!! *runs off* Portia: Ok so I am smarter than her! Antoinette: *comes back with money* Ewwww it's a 1 dollar bill. Portia: *gasps* They still make those??? Antoinette: Apparently! So that all the time we haves. BYE!!! Portia: *Waves like a little girl* *runs off and lands in a trash can* Parvati & Natalie; Friends, from Los Angeles, California...(oh ehm gee) Parvati: Hey America, I'm Parvati, and this is my friend Natalie! Natalie: *rubs Parvati's thigh* Yes. After meeting in Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites, we knew we had a lifelong bond that couldn't be broken. So, we decided to test that by running The Amazing Race. Parvati: Not to mention all my other friends mysteriously vanished. Weird. Natalie: *eyes briefly flash red* Yeah, that is weird. Parvati: I can't imagine all the different places I'll see; it'll be like World Civ, except I actually payed attention in class and didn't have to blow the professor! I mean...blow the professor balloons. He was kinky like that. Natalie: I can't wait to see all the people; the glamorous women of India, the hearty yet somewhat sexy women of Siberia, the slutty slutty whorish girls of Thailand, and of course, the fierceness of the Japanese female population. Parvati: Um...yeah. Anyway, we're probably gonna win since, I mean, we were on freaking Survivor, how hardcore is that? Natalie: I know, right? Hell, Romber won this show twice, so we should be able to do that once. *rattlesnake sound* Parvati: Not to mention, we're cute. We should probably run across enough horny Asians to have some guy enamored with us to help us, amirite? Natalie: Or girl...*tries to fondle Parv's boobs* Parvati: Right. The point is, we'll use our natural gifts to take Asia by storm and win Wan & Christian's Race! *giant fucking rattlesnake sound* Candy & DeJeMaul; Prostitute & Pimp, from Las Vegas, Nevada...(Crowlass) Candy: Hey y'all, I'm Candy. I'm so thrilled we was picked to join the Amazing Race. DeJeMaul: And I'm DeJeMaul. We are ready to rock this game all over the country of Asia. Candy: I really hope we win the money. I would love to just have sex for pleasure instead of just profit. And I could finally get my STD's checked up on. DeJeMaul: We'll seriously do anythin' for that money. Most people on this race will have morals and inhabitions, but hell Candy would blow every man in Asia for the million. Candy: Seriously I will do anything you want me to. DeJeMaul: Cool it Candy. Anyways, I think Candy's "performances" will get us a whole ton of free taxi rides. Candy: I think we're gonna get along great with the other teams too. DeJeMaul: I hope we don't meet up with any of them conservative types. Candy: I wouldn't worry about them, they are my best customers! DeJeMaul: The only thing we gots to worry about is if Candy gets into a catfight with someone's girlfriend. Candy: Any man without a ring is open game. Hell any man who's alive is open game. DeJeMaul: I hope to hell you haven't done freaky shit with any dead people. Max & May; Brother & Sister, from Petalburg City, Hoenn...(Thingamajig) May: Gosh this is so exciting. Anyway, my name's May and I'm a Pokemon coordinator from Petalburg City Max: Of course, none of it would've been possible without me May: Yeah sure. Anyway, since we're two of the most hated characters of all time, we've decided what better way that to gain a positive profile that to go on a reality show Max: Right. We're such an awesome team. Because I have the Pokenav, we can get around Hoenn so easily May: And of course, I have my beautiful Pokemon to help Max: Awww, how come I don't get any Pokemon May: Why are you complaining? You got to travel around with me and Ash and Brock for like a year when clearly I didn't want you there. You got to play with Pokemon all the time Max: Still, I want to do this to prove that I'm just as strong as my big sister May: And I'm doing it out of boredem since they found an even younger bitch to replace me Max: I think we'll have our difficulties, but we'll get through no matter what the challenge May: Well, I am going with you. *They laugh and scene ends* Jeff & Zoila; Boss & Maid, from Los Angeles, California...(TimmyTAR) Zoila: Is the camera on? Jeff: I don't think so. Zoila: Jeff, why we have to do this again? Jeff: Because, Zoila, the first Race we applied to was cancelled, and we need to try again. Zoila: But Jeff, I don't want too. Jeff: Well as the person who hands out your paycheck, I say we should do this Race. Zoila: Why? You already have show, why go on another? Jeff: Because I'm very competitive and want to win this money. Plus, everyone can't get enough of America's favorite Nicaraguan housekeeper. Zoila: Jennifer Lopez? Jeff: J.Lo--No, you! Zoila: Me? Jeff: Yes, you. Zoila: No! Jeff: Yes! And yeah, the camera's on. We'll have to redo this. Zoila: Oh no. Joey & Don; Business Partners, from New York City...(Funkey 01)
Christian: Seriously? That's the best we could do? Wan: Camera's back on you. Christian: ...bitch. Wan: We'll be right back after this commercial break... ---RACE BEGINS IN 5 MINUTES, PEOPLE--- |
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Katsuya |
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Posts: 2034 (08/16/08 1:50 PM) Registered user |
Wan: Hello teams, welcome to the starting line. Now, as you know - this is a special Asia edition of The Amazing Race, and as you also know...I have a wonderful new co-host in the form of the fabulous Christian Siriano! *Teams cheer* Christian: Yeah, okay, first of all, we need to lay down some ground rules. First of all, if anybody says "fierce" to me, or "hot tranny mess", I have it copyrighted and I will sue. Or, just kick you out of the race. Either way, it sucks for you. Second of all, you cannot touch me. Third of all, if you thought Miranda Priestly was a bitch, then girl, you ain't seen nothing yet. Now as for the race, there are a total of 8 legs, 7 elimination points, so you'd better kick ass or else you're gonna be out. Wan: Okay, so with that out of the way, there's one more twist we have to throw on you. You are each getting $150 for the first leg of the race...and that's it. Apart from bonuses that you may be awarded from positions or quotes, you will receive no more money at any point during the race - so you'd all better watch your wallets or you might find yourselves begging on the streets. Your first clue is waiting on top of your bags, over there in the pit lane. Christian: So, is everyone ready? Teams: Yeah! Wan: Alright then - Asia is waiting for you! Christian: On your marks... Wan: Get set... Both: GO! *Run in to the pit lane, over to bags and open clue* 1st Caleb & Owen / Stepson & Father (maximillian) 2nd Kelly & Heather / Friends (Nimberlane) 3rd Sue & Charles / Formerly Divorced (yope3041) 4th Antoinette & Portia / Heiresses (smileyriley14) 5th Parvati & Natalie / Friends (oh ehm gee) 6th Candy & DeJeMaul / Whore & Pimp (Crowlass) 7th Max & May / Brother & Sister (Thingamajig) 8th Jeff & Zoila / Boss & Maid (TimmyTAR) 9th Joey & Don / Business Partners (Funkey 01) 10th Stella & Starr / Questionable Designers (Level 5) |
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maximillian |
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Posts: 1628 (08/16/08 1:50 PM) |
*Run in to the pit lane, over to bags and open clue*
Caleb: Just run. Don't look back. Owen: But it's summa beautiful scenery back there. *looks at Parvati* Caleb: Check on other women again and I'll cut your balls off, Grey's Anatomy-style. Owen: Ooh...so scary.
Last Edited By: maximillian
08/16/08 1:53 PM.
Edited 1 times.
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Nimberlane |
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Posts: 2371 (08/16/08 1:50 PM) |
Kelly: A fucking NASCAR motorway? I can just smell the rednecks.
Heather: Someone must've cut the race's budget. Kelly: Obviously. *Run in to the pit lane, over to bags and open clue* |
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Thingamajig |
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Posts: 2716 (08/16/08 1:50 PM) Registered user |
*Run in to the pit lane, over to bags and open clue*
May: Wow Max, we're going on the Amazing Race Max: Yayzers |
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smileyriley14 |
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Posts: 1453 (08/16/08 1:50 PM) |
Run in to the pit lane, over to bags and open clue*
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oh ehm gee |
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Posts: 1255 (08/16/08 1:50 PM) |
*Run in to the pit lane, over to bags and open clue*
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Funkey 01 |
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Posts: 1899 (08/16/08 1:50 PM) |
Don: Here we go, fat Joey.
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Level 5 |
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Posts: 2666 (08/16/08 1:50 PM) Registered user |
*Run in to the pit lane, over to bags and open clue*
Starr: Oh God, why did I think this would be a good idea?! Just having the cameras on me makes me nervous. Look at them, judging me with their lenses, just like Garcia and Kors! Stella: Oh, honey, I'd love to comfort you, but we've got to get going now. Also I don't really care.
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