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Well Sucksters I need to jack this thread right now because well I need to vent but not about this show...

My little dog of 14 years was hit by a car today... thankfully she managed to just get hit by the tire like a sideswipe.. her hips are swollen and she is cut badly. I just returned from my second visit to the hospital today but she is home now and we go again tomorrow and I believe she will be fine...she is upstairs sleeping on her original baby blanket that I brought her home from when I first met her.. she was born a surrogate as I like to say. But I am wrecked. I know she is "mature" much like her mother and there will be a time we will part but I am not ready... she is my life.. I mean that she is even the face of my company.... I have never gone or done anything without her.. and I try to take her everywhere and well she is my child and I felt that I hurt her today... I was going to my last client and when I say that I mean last.. my company literally had to cease as we were killing ourselves these past 6 months and doing work that we were overqualified for, it was menial and not what I wanted to do in comparison to what I used to do... my partner and I were working second jobs and trying to stay positive in an economy that was tanking.. and it was getting difficult to ask people to spend money on their homes when they are barely making it.. and I was also sacrficing my personal ethics for professional ones and as an advocate of green build it was difficult putting in IKEA cabinets and thinking that this is not good... considering I am working on my LEED credentials and working to be a green 3rd party verifier on Green Build projects.. so what do you do.. move into another business and cut your partner who well I had no real relationship with other than business and this is business and move into doing what I want.. advocating, educating and training others about green build. So we parted the ways.. although we still had outstanding contracts I felt obliged to finish them and do so by sub contracting another one of my hated things.. even though it was not what I wanted to do and it was on my way to my last meeting that she ran in front of car chasing a squirrel.. I had forgotten a sample and had to run into get it... so it was my fault.. and I just didn't want to do the job and was exhausted from trying to change the business plan, the legal shit and all the rest to make the company my own...

So my fellow Sucksters its been a bad week.. I haven't slept and now this.. whatever you know of me on the boards you don't know me really I have met a couple of sucksters and they can attest I am quite direct and bitch about things.. but I am actually a good person.. I just take no prisioners and I have very strong ethics personally and professionally and having this past year struggling with that.. and trying to restructure and keep my partner and I working when the business started to dry up it became very hard.. but the one consistency was my girl.. I knew she loved me no matter what and I let her down and turned my back on her... that is what love is.. this show isn't about love at all.

This post will expire and burn from the honesty in the next 30 minutes..