Children of Men

Meet Hollywood's hottest new accessory: the gaybie

By Rod Townsend��
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LOOK MA, NO HANDS Proud new father Clay Aiken

Tom Ford wardrobes, Fire Island homes, and Le Corbusier chaises have long been coveted power gay accessories, but now celebrities like Clay Aiken and Ricky Martin are flaunting a new, even more exclusive essential: the gaybie.

Yes, the gaybie. A baby gayness hath wrought. Found sashaying down the uteri of surrogate mothers worldwide, providing self-actualization and status-faction to Hollywood's single fathers. (For the sake of brevity, and legality, "I consider sort of obviously gay despite publicist claims" is herein truncated simply as "gay.")

Gaybies buck the celebrity trend of adopting internationally. Take the August births of Parker Foster Aiken (son of Clay) and the as-of-yet-unnamed Martin twins. (Conceived with Ricky Martin's sperm and the egg of an unknown.) For one brief tabloid moment, both births stole Brangelina's thunder and brought attention to the hip new test-tube alternative for committed bachelors.

For his gaybie, Aiken teamed with his fortysomething record producer "lady friend," combining his sperm and her egg in a loving laboratory. The pair announced the news once the birth seemed certain. Martin's twins just sort of popped out-along with news of their existence-once the gestational surrogate had fulfilled her contractual obligation.

Both methods share one aspect-a hefty price tag. Obviously, not everyone has a willing fortysomething lady-friend record producer handy. For those desirous of a gaybie, a surrogate will often be necessary. Receiving payment for surrogacy is illegal in some states, but it's not in California. Thus, many gays flock to the golden state for their surrogate needs. (California is the home of Martin's surrogate, who has received surrogacy dollars before.)

PAPA DON'T PREACH Martin's keeping his gaybie (Photo: Getty Images)

Growing Generations of California, a leader in the in vitro industry, advises clients to budget $115,000, inclusive of surrogate screenings and fees, legal expenses, and all of the assorted medical bills. Adoption is considerably less expensive, coming in at around $20,000-and it earns you a Federal Adoption Tax Credit!

With such a better price tag, why don't the power gays just adopt? Putting aside the narcissistic elements (we'll get to those later), there are a few pitfalls for the gay man, especially the single, discreet-to the point of not being out of the closet-gay man. Chief among these is privacy.

The investigative background check for any adoption can be grueling. Straights and gays can expect research of past relationships and inspections of their homes. Should a power gay start to think about that chatty ex in Promises, that "physical trainer" who visits twice a week, or the Dyna-Douche attached to his shower, he might get nervous. While arguably irrelevant indicators of parenting skills, these life elements may raise some eyebrows and, clearly, for a celebrity there's always the risk of tabloid-friendly tidbits finding their way onto TMZ.

For fertilization there is only one real question: "Did the check clear?"

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BLAME MARY? Maybe Mary J. Blige's "Your Child" has exerted an influence on the gay nightclub scene

Whatever the method or price tag, the desire for gaybies comes from many cultural fronts. Gay marriage has always faced the argument that marriage is for creating children; the gaybies turn this argument on its ear. The clichéd characterization of gay men as effeminate is defeated with proof that gay guns aren't shooting blanks.

Perhaps, though, the desire for a gaybie originates someplace deeper. Gayness, it has been argued, involves a sense of narcissism and a search for belonging. Surrogacy fulfills both of these needs, allowing the power gay to have a portable mirror that loves him unconditionally.

Whatever the motivation, power gay daddies are here and their impact is already being exerted on (what's left of the quickly dying) gay culture at largeOr maybe the gays aren't even making conscious choices. In dance clubs, a remixed Mary J. Blige has subconsciously influenced the homo masses with what could be the true cause of the gaybie boom. Since coming out in 1999, "Your Child" has subliminally pounded papayatini-addled brains with the repeated lyrics "holding a baby with eyes like yours."

Whatever the motivation, power gay daddies are here and their impact is already being exerted on (what's left of the quickly dying) gay culture at large.

My first encounter with gaybie culture came on a date with a power gay in 2006. Over thupkas and momos, we chatted effortlessly, until he received a call from a friend. The friend happened to be one of the biggest female pop stars of all time. He ignored the call, but then told me of their history together and of her brother's interesting surrogacy experience.

Like Aiken and Martin, this man was big in pop music. He was also very much in the closet. Because of his success and fortune, he could have it all, but still felt an unfulfilled longing. The longing for a gaybie.

With no worry of the finances involved, he turned to his ex-beard-herself the daughter of rock and roll royalty-for an egg donation. He paid a Florida woman for surrogacy.

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GAYBIE ON BOARD Proud dads on Fire Island (Photo: Getty Images)

Almost a year later, out with another, even more powerful gay, gaybies came up in a more dramatic fashion. Over glasses of Gewürztraminer, my date told of recent stresses. Wolfowitz was causing trouble. He hadn't been home in a while. One bit of good news though: He was about to become a father.

Although no one was pregnant yet, he had gone through the process of selecting an egg donor and surrogate and left behind plenty of sperm so that the process could begin in earnest. It soon became apparent, due to our living on separate continents and my unwillingness to endure regular 11-hour flights, that this was his last fling before entering into a fatherhood role.

Typically, talking about children on a first date is something of a mood killer. Regardless, the sex was had. Spooning ensued until that 4:00 a.m. call from Paris and his swift departure. Brief e-mails were exchanged for a time, the last of which gave the anticipated birth date for his new gaybie.

It's not just the gay dating scenes that gaybies are changing. Their reach is expanding into "the culture" as a whole.

Erstwhile power gay mecca Fire Island is suddenly a Gymboree by the sea. Strollers are as commonplace on the wooden boardwalks as Gucci sandals. My current housemates (doctors, architects, Fox News producers) chose our 2009 house, right on the bay. It came equipped with a gigantic kitchen, waterfront hot tub and pool, and-you guessed it-a children's room.

This room (in which I was to stay) offered the only setting with two twin beds, was decked out in tasteful pastel decor, and featured a closet full of (nonleather) toys. Something about it just didn't seem right. (Maybe it was the "new child" smell.) Ultimately, I rejected the plan to spend summer there, in a grown-up romper room. My summer plans for next year remain adrift, bamboozled by gaybies.

Still, the gaybie is now part of the gay lexicon, and-one the upside-Clay Aiken and Ricky Martin have now opened a door for others. Perhaps Anderson Cooper or George Clooney will be next, or maybe even an out gay like Elton John or George Michael.

Okay, maybe not George Clooney. But one thing is for certain: We're entering an era that might one day be remembered as the "gaybie boom." And this is just the beginning.