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beatlebum79 wrote:

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kb, why were you gone again for a few days here? i didn't get the coma part. :)

Maddy had last day of school, report cards, errand running, husband thinking I spend too much time here, etc.

I mean, I love this place, but being here doesn't pay the rent and is not worth fighting with my husband over, and the dishes won't clean themselves.

Right now I'm in Wisconsin at my vicariously living sisters house.

getting real wrote:

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Kathy, I love the way you're able to reach deep and reflect on just what the hell happened out there. It takes real courage to not only do that but to share with us.

You're obviously a person who feeds off positive energy and I'm sure that any kindness or confidence shown in you by your tribe-mates would have been rewarded manyfold. Even your apparent lack of filter (Chet's gay status, Tracey's breasts) was, in hindsight, just bantering with newly found friends that you felt comfortable with.

You've alluded to the devastating effect of being separated from everyone you felt comfortable with (first your family, then Chet and Tracey, then Jonathan). I wonder what would have happened if, at that time, someone had included you in their plans and pledged to take you with them. You mentioned that, just before your departure, you asked everyone whether your leaving would affect their game. I understand that, primarily, you did that to avoid disadvantaging anyone but was there perhaps a small hope on your part that someone would want to include you in their plans, even at that advanced stage?

Because, although the physical hardships were huge in your eyes, I suspect that they were nothing compared to the perceived utter hopelessness of your position. As a fan of the game you would've had some idea of a strategy coming into the game, other than just aligning with people you respected. However, by the time you left, I suspect you would've been grateful for the chance of being taken along as someone's pawn in exchange for some kindness.

I wonder if you can speak about that. I suspect it's an abject lesson to all players that treating people as human beings (notwithstanding the lying and the back-stabbing) might not always win you the game but it doesn't hurt either (see, to varying degrees, Tina, Danni, Aras, Yul, Earl).

I could not have said it any more eloquently than you just did. That is exactly how I felt. When no one says that they will be affected by your leaving, your heart sinks just a little bit lower. You realize that you feel like nothing out there. With Tracy and Chet on the other tribe, I had no idea what was going on over there. If Cirie had been on our new tribe, it may have played out differently for me also. But it wasn't meant to be. Don't get me wrong, James and Parvati were very nice to me and I appreciated it, but there was no real alliance there. I was grateful that they gave me a chance upon first meeting me and not pre-judging that just because I was 45, that meant I was weak. Unlike our original tribe who I'm sure thought that before the game ever even started.

So absolutely, if any of you ever get on Survivor, let it be a lesson that even if you have to fake it, at the beginning of the game do not pre-judge your tribe members by looks or age alone. Some of the most loyal people are the ones who are grateful that you gave them a chance when no one else would. Don't be all Mikey B-ish and let it be known the first hour you are there that "you, you and you are going to be the first to go. Decide amongst yourselves who it's going to be". Talk about taking the wind out of your sails. And honestly, even though he was good in challenges, like Erik said at tribal, there is a lot more to tribe strength than just muscles. Mikey-B was a tribe divider from day one and we hadn't even had our first IC yet. We were all like "WTF??" and that is why it was easy for Jason to be such an ass to us because he assumed he was strong with MikeyB and the 7.

SucksSucks wrote:

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A new record for Survivor!
A contestant not only quit the game, but quit ponderosa as well.

Yea!!! What do I win??

I want to be a record holder just like Amanda!!

PrisonFugitive1 wrote:

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KrazyKathy S16 wrote:

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Yeah, it's me....you don't scare me

Really?

Really.

Not even your avatar scares me. On the other hand, if your avatar is really you, and you were anywhere near my child, then I would be scared.

getting real wrote:

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I hear what you're saying, Kathy. I'm trying to think back to similar Survivor cases of pointless ostracisation and, for the life of me, I can't think of many. Kel in Australia, maybe, or Dreamz/Cassandra and Cirie/Melinda early on in Fiji and Panama respectively. However, I don't think any of those cases comes anywhere near your ongoing misery. You were alienated early and it just got worse for you after the twist. You probably didn't want to bitch about your tribe-mates too much in your interviews but did you mention this aspect of your distress in your confessionals along with the complaints against the forces of nature? Did you mention it to Probst during your tete-a-tete just before you left?

Anyway, I don't know how much satisfaction you would derive from it but at least you have the knowledge that it was potentially their loss (Eliza's, the other fans', even Parvati's who could have done with another jury vote at the very least).

I think I remember complaining about Jason (Mowgli) a lot, and how much Joel reminded me of my brother if he were on steroids, and the WTF feeling of why the other members of the tribe were so mean to us. When I talked to Jeff at the end with the others, I don't remember complaining much about the forces of nature, (Eliza might remember more if I am forgetting) just mostly about the mental aspect of having nothing left. Not being able to even picture my daughters face, the thinking of 'accidently' chopping off the tip of one of my fingers to go out without appearing to be quitting and acknowledging that thinking of doing that is really messed up.

I often think about how much differently I would have played Survivor if Vanuatu was the one I got on. Maddy was 2-1/2 and wouldn't have remembered me being gone, so that would have not been such a factor. Also my motivation being a single mom back then would have been like a mother bear trying to provide for her cub. Whatever it would have taken to win, I would have done. 3-1/2 years later, I am just in a different place. Happily married, sober, more comfortable financially. It seemed like some of my motivation to win and tolerate anything that came my way was lessened by time.

But I didn't realize all that until day 19 when I snapped like a green bean.