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Cease and Desist Letter from Big Brother Big Brother Season 1 - Cease and Desist from Big Brother

By BigBrotherBlows
7/1/2000

Where the hell have we been?!! And, more importantly, where the hell is the CHICKEN-CAM?!??

To all of you who have written us, and to the rest of you who've been silently wondering what's been going on, we want to apologize for the downtime and explain where we've been.

Last week, we received a CEASE AND DESIST letter from some big, scary corporate attorneys. Out of an abundance of caution (and because we were too busy watching the much-higher-rated and far more compelling Survivor), we took time to reflect and consult with our own attorneys. Now we're ready to rise and shine.

We know there have been several media reports that CBS shut us down. This is false. We have had absolutely no contact with or from CBS concerning anything involving any of the PlånetSocks.com sites. The fact of the matter is, it was our good friends over at Orwell Productions, Inc. who sent us the love letter.

So, you're asking, what did we do to draw the attention of the lawyers from the Big Brother crew? It's simple really: we linked to their Kippen-Cam. Now before you get all upset and write us nasty letters condemning our misdeeds, know this: We've learned our lesson. It was wrong of us to give you easy access to the four streaming Big Brother video feeds. It was even more inappropriate of us to give you access to the three hidden video feeds. The hidden feeds, we've learned, exist for a reason - so you can't see them. If you were to have access to these secret feeds, they'd no longer be hidden - thus defeating their sole purpose for existing.

It was also wrong of us to allow you to have passive access to the feeds directly through RealPlayer so that you could surf, work, and otherwise fart around while the feeds stayed on your desktop. Orwell Productions, Inc. has shown us the error of our ways: the only way you'll get to watch the video feeds is if you sit there and actively stare at the 2x2 inch square on your monitor. We here at BigBrotherBlows.com anticipate an entire work stoppage around the nation.

On a more serious note, we want to address an important issue and make something very clear to everyone: It was never our intention to compromise the artistic integrity of Big Brother. Legally, artists have the right to control the dissemination of their works, and we here at BigBrotherBlows.com sincerely believe in that tenet. And when you come right down to it, that's what this was all about - Artistic Integrity. Orwell Productions, Inc. are artists in the truest sense of the word, and we humbly apologize for interfering with the transfer of their work.

So how is BigBrotherBlows.com responding to all this legal mumbo-jumbo? Upon receiving the cease and desist letter, we immediately wrote out a cease and desist letter of our own. We demanded that Orwell Productions, Inc. cease and desist sending us CEASE AND DESIST letters. But our own legal counsel wouldn't let us send it - they didn't think that a law firm with a 90210 ZIP code would appreciate the humor. (Hi Tori!) So I guess we'll just use this forum to make our demands:

1) BigBrotherBlows.com demands that AOL allow web surfers a way to watch the feeds so that the image is "Always On Top," allowing Big Brother fans to actively surf the web and do other work on their computers while still watching the feeds.

2) BigBrotherBlows.com demands that Hansen, Jacobson, Teller, Hoberman, Newman & Warren, L.L.P. give Paul Römer his umlauts. He's earned them.

3) BigBrotherBlows.com demands that the Euro-cheese theme music for Big Brother be replaced with something else. ANYTHING else. Much of the "Euro" feel of Big Brother is endearing. The theme music is not.

4) BigBrotherBlows.com demands that Julie Chen be replaced by an experienced, hard-hitting reporter like Maury Povich or Sally Jesse Rafael who isn't afraid to ask all the really tough questions.

5) Finally, and most importantly, BigBrotherBlows.com demands that the Chicken-Cam get outta my dreams and into my car. Why on earth are the most interesting members of the house denied their screen time? Who are their agents?

We await a reply with bated breath. In the meantime, you can check out BigBrotherBlows.com's own version of Chicken-Cam. Enjoy, and welcome back.

Charming Nemesis wrote:

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Didn't we invent driving someone to commit suicide live on webcam?