Last I hear, Derek is too big to even get past the door of his house.
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 Miss Alley Shack |
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Posts: 1376 (05/05/08 1:42 AM) |
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SuitSnob |
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Posts: 7882 (05/05/08 1:54 AM) Registered User |
Yes...but once his erection goes down there is no problem.
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Miss Alley Shack |
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Posts: 1378 (05/05/08 2:30 AM) |
That sounds horrible. Was it some kind of STD that caused it to swell that big?
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ApprenticeDerek |
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Posts: 49 (05/05/08 9:45 AM) Registered user |
Oh sweet Jesus, you guys cannot be left alone unaccompanied lest you resort to talking about either my fat ass or my dick :) I'm happy to report that both
are doing well. For your masturbatory pleasure, I'm attaching a pic that I just took this weekend -- I'm licking my lips thinking of Cousin Oliver and
Suity. Miss Alley, try not to blow out your vibrator motor. As for the rest of my life, things have been a little hectic. I'm getting laid-off from my
job in June (one of the approximately 500 people from New Line Cinema who are losing their jobs in the restructuring under Warner Bros.) -- nothing like
getting fired TWICE in the same year! To supplement my income, I'll be hooking and attending supermarket openings around the country. I'll also be
starting a crusade to get on Celebrity Fit Club -- send in your letters to VH1 now! This summer I'll be a volunteer roadie for the California
AIDS/Lifecycle. In a strange collision of reality worlds, I will be on the same volunteer team as Bunkie from Big Brother 2. Kristine sends her love to you
guys -- she and I still speak 3 times a day and I frequently babysit her dog whenever she goes out of town to spend time with her French chef-husband who is
opening a restaurant in a major Vegas venue. Kristine is still hot and bitchy as ever. So is Jenn, but she doesn't call me as much -- bitch! Clearly
she's too busy giving shoddy business advice to remember her friends :)
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Miss Alley Shack |
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Posts: 1379 (05/05/08 10:15 AM) |
Derek, on a serious note, too bad about the being laid off part. Much sympathies, but I'm sure you're filthy rich enough to pass through that phase,
what with you being a lawyer and all.
But seriously, darling, what are you thinking to put that photo to public view? Are you a homo? Because if you are, you're so getting your good taste card revoked because that photo makes you look like you've not just gone retarded, you've also been hit by a cattle prod a few times before someone took that photo of you. Perhaps you should give Suity your address so that he can come over and serenade you with Una Paloma Blanca to make you feel a little better? While he's at it, he can also make you sit up and check under the various folds of your blimp-like body to see whether Cousin O is under you... somewhere. The poor darling has been MIA for so long. |
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SuitSnob |
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Posts: 7885 (05/05/08 11:27 AM) Registered User |
I think Derek looks cuter than ever, and I am considering hiring Derek to be my poolboy-he looks fine in a bathing suit, it's his business suits that need
help!
Sorry about your job Derek, but there is always a new adventure just around the corner...please please PLEASE consult with me before suiting up for any job interviews-you cannot be trusted to do it yourself and no, Kristine is an expert at stripping for Playboy, not dressing men for business. Derek-be sure to check out the Tarek thread...go back around three pages to see that the Bible-thumping loser mentioned ME in his book! If YOU really loved me you'd write a book and mention me!!! |
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Miss Alley Shack |
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Posts: 1380 (05/05/08 6:41 PM) |
Derek, whatever you do, unless you want to star in your own How I Met Your Mother with a certain Suity, avoid him at
all costs...
Last Edited By: Miss Alley Shack
05/05/08 8:55 PM.
Edited 1 times.
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SuitSnob |
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Posts: 7888 (05/05/08 8:58 PM) Registered User |
Or you could have a sitcom with Miss Alley called How I Met Your Madam...
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Miss Alley Shack |
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Posts: 1381 (05/05/08 9:08 PM) |
That won't be a sitcom. It would be a pleasurable business transaction that leaves a happy grin on the faces of everyone involved.
Unlike the horror movie that is Go Wes, Young Suitsnob. |
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Cousin Oliver |
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Posts: 2860 (05/06/08 2:06 PM) Registered User |
Derek!
Celebrity Fit Club? Are you mad? You're thin enough! As it is, I'm considering sending you some emergency Hostess and Entenmann's packages overnight. Seriously, though, you're so do-able, I can't even stand it. And I'm very sorry about your job sitch. Would you consider relocating to Jersey for another media-related job? The pay is awful, but I promise the benefits are awesome. |
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