Jericho Season 2 Ep 5 Recrap

This week's episode: Scenes Left on the Cutting Room Floor

PREVIOUSLY ON .. JERICHO: In beautiful downtown Black Jack, Tomboy Teacher introduced Jake to her friends from New Gulag, Right Said Fred and Russell Greenteeth. Girl scout cookies were enjoyed by all. The show was cancelled. Deputy Blubberbutt started making commercials. The show was reinstated. Dr. Smith revealed the [0Ashley0] J&R Bomb-'em-Back-To-The-Stone-Age-And-Take-Over-The-Gubmit Plan [/0Ashley0] to Hawkins. Revernooer Lady blabbed about embezzlement to Honcho, and told him she had evidence in her ledger, which we all knew was a bad move. Honcho's goons raided the Richmond farm to retrieve the ledger, leaving DeafGirl dead and Revernooer Lady bleeding in the pantry. A shitload of Yucko question marks littered my last Recrap, and I removed as many as I could.

Our show opens where we left off .. FarmBoy cradling his brave, but dead, sister. Sheriff Jake arrives and, having read my Recrap from last week, surmises that Ravenwood goons were responsible. (Well, how else did anybody know Ravenwood did it? Dead deaf people sign no tales.) Becerra is leaving for the day to make examples of some New Gulagians who made examples of his soldiers, so Jake and his posse stand guard over the hospital where Dr. Bashir performs emergency surgery on Revernooer Lady. In a room across town, Honcho commits a fire code violation by burning Revernooer Lady's ledger in a J&R office.

In a scene reminiscent of Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, Honcho demands Mimi. Jake and his posse (an even mix of regulars, recurrents and redshirts) refuse. Honcho threatens to bring the force of the Cheyenne gubmit to bear. As they say on Big Brother, It's AWNNNN!

I have no idea what the Morse Code said this week, but I was told it was irrelevant to this episode.

There was only one Subplot this week, and it was essential to the storyline: Russell Greenteeth and some Gulagian redshirt accost Tomboy Teacher leaving the office for the evening, right in front of the same staircase where Chavez stuffed a note into Jake's underwear. Glad they're saving money on the sets this season. They tell her how bad things are in New Gulag. There's a bounty on Tomboy's head. New Gulag wants Honcho, [BonJovi] dead or alive [/BonJovi]. Tomboy Teacher refuses to participate; she's a loyal company employee. At this point:

a. Greenteeth pulls out a gun and shoots Tomboy betwixt the eyeballs.

b. Greenteeth convinces Tomboy to cooperate, by showing her a 10-inch long object hidden in his underwear

c. The redshirt pulls out a samovar and chops Tomboy's head off.

Answer: None of the above. Greenteeth tells her the next folk sent for her head won't be as nice.

Honcho cuts power to the hospital. Four hours, and reinforcements will arrive. In the meantime, Honcho directs some goons to roust the wimmins and chirruns from their beds for some lessons in waterboarding. Dr. Bashir sees Nurse Whatevia seated in the hallway and enlists her aid for the imminent surgery. One problem though: It isn't Nurse Whatevia; it's Darcy. What ensues next is:

a. Darcy says "I ain't Nurse Whatevia, you drunken bastard"

b. Darcy asks, "Do we all look alike to you?"

c. The actress playing Darcy says "okay" and assumes the role of Nurse Whatevia.

Answer: None of the above. Darcy explains that she has no experience in life-saving surgeries, which means absolutely nothing to Dr. Bashir. He's a quack, anyway, who thinks antibiotics cure the flu. To make a long story short, Dr. Bashir fixes Revernooer Lady, who later learns *t.earfully* that DeafGirl died saving her. Downstairs, Brother Philanderer gives FarmBoy some advice about not blaming himself. After Philanderer leaves, FarmBoy removes the cover from his sister's face and utters this week's Obligatory.Line.of.Dumb.Dialogue, asking if she's okay. At this juncture, she:

a. Raises up from the steel table, yells "NO!" and punches him between the eyes

b. Starts giggling, and admits she faked her death to fool Honcho

c. Moves only her fingers, spelling I-D-I-O-T, while remaining quite dead

Answer: None of the above. They share a quiet moment, in which FarmBoy empties his soul and signs some of the words to Sister by The Nixons. See? I knew they were reading my recraps.

Waterboardee #1 calls the hospital. Redshirt #1 gives up his gun to Jake, to save his beloved family member from further torture. Hawkins respectfully declines to be Waterboardee #2, snapping the neck of one Ravenwood goon, and putting a gun to the head of the other. My late mother thought Bill Cosby was utterly *hawt* in I Spy. Hawkins makes 60's spies look like rank amateurs in comparison. I can only imagine how *hawt* Hawkins would be if my mother were still around.

What follows next is pure spy-story gold. Hawkins approaches two more Ravenwood goons at the hospital door. Although he's black and although there are no black soldiers who look anything like Hawkins, he dispatches them before they can raise their weapons. He tosses the remaining goon into the hospital, where the posse duct tapes him to a cold gurney. It ain't waterboarding, but it'll do. Hawkins enlists the aid of Dr. Smith to obtain a J&R Boss's private e-mail addy, while Mimi enlists the aid of guilt-ridden J&R Babe to reconstruct her ledger and e-mail it to said J&R Boss. Hostage Goon cuts through his own duct tape, which of course was impossible. In her Weekly.Cameo.Appearance, Teacher/Veterinarian/CesarChavez/AnnieOakley (also known as Emily) outs the mole, who is Wrong Said Fred, the guy who gave up Dale in the last ep. Jake and Hawkins devise a plan to out the mole and fool Ravenwood in the process. They subdue the escaped Hostage Goon, when Hawkins counted the shots in the clip of Goon's 9mm Beretta. I think I counted one too many shots (I'd anticipate 15+1 but wouldn't stake my life on it; I prefer Ruger and H&K), but bottom line, it was a great addition to the storyline. Hawkins is a genius.

Our friends, realizing they are still without a means of peaceful escape, come up with a Plan B. Deputy Smartass oversees Deputy Blubberbutt as the latter busts through a retaining wall with a pickaxe. Plot device: The hospital is connected to a farm implement store, or summat. (Whatever. SeeBS knows we're having too much fun to quibble about unbelievable stuff this week.) Blubberbutt swings 8 times (I counted!) and pronounces (snerk!) that the hole is large enough for him to get through. Of course it wasn't, and the banging continued.

During the commercial break, at least in my market, Blubberbutt's FiberOne cereal commercial aired. I noticed that the cheap shelving in the commercial was similar to the cheap shelving in the hospital; another testament to SeeBS' budget for this show. I shouldn't talk, though; the same shelving is what I used to furnish my home office. It was on sale at Target. I'm looking at it .. now.

After the break, the mole provided Ravenwood entry through the front door, as our the posse dragged Revernooer Lady through the hole in the wall. Loved (!) the look on Honcho's face when he was greeted by the receptionist, Hostage Goon in a new roll of duct tape. Jake, mercifully, sent the mole home, but not before the mole gave up Ravenwood's plans; they'll be on Route 23, 8:00 sharp.

Moments later in television time, Honcho and the Ravenwood goons await reinforcements. To their surprise, Ravenwood HQ took all their guns. And their little Hummer, too. From the truck emerges J&R Babe, who happily gives Honcho his NOTICE.OF.TERMINATION. Honcho insists that he hasn't had his written warning yet, so progressive discipline wasn't followed. He threatens to call his Union steward. J&R Babe tosses the book at him, with a red sticky on the page which says:

"ZERO TOLERANCE FOR FIRE CODE VIOLATIONS ON J&R PREMISES.

FIRST OFFENSE = TERMINATION."

Jake's posse was waiting for this moment. A brief shootout later, only Honcho remains, and he surrenders himself for processing by Jericho's sheriff. From the other side of the road, Greenteeth and his unhappy band of Gulagians arrive (are they ever happy?). New Gulag demands Honcho. Jake refuses. It's a Mexican standoff in Kansas, except, sans Mexicans! Interrupting the standoff, FarmBoy pulls a 9mm and puts it upside Honcho's head. He shakes. He winces. He ...

a. Drops to the ground, crying

b. Hands the gun to Honcho and tells him to run for his life

c. Is overpowered by Honcho, who kills them all and snarls into the camera

Answer: None of the above.

To my surprise, Stanley.Blew.His.Effing.Brains.Out.

Jake surrendered the corpse of Honcho to Russell Greenteeth, who summarily hung it above the "Welcome To New Gulag" sign for Becerra to behold. Welcome, indeed.

NEXT TIME ON .. JERICHO: Becerra is understandably pissed. Jake is given the executionee's hood. Hawkins finally unveils his package. Party over here! Party over there! Viva la revolucion!