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Episode One: "This is not summer camp! We're adults now!"

Summer in Iceland. It was still cold, at least colder than any previous Survivor location, but since it was mid-July, there was probably no chance of anyone getting hypothermia or frostbite. The location of Survivor's 25th season made it unique and set it apart from other island based seasons, but this wasn't the only reason it was special.

You see, all sixteen Iceland castaways were returning players. The interesting thing was, none of them had ever actually played Survivor before. Ten years ago, they had been involved in another reality TV show: the first season of Kid Nation. They hadn't really seen each other since then and no one knew what to expect. Who had changed? Who could still be trusted as a close friend? And who had remained exactly the same? With the oldest Survivor, Greg being 25 and the youngest Mallory at 19, Iceland's cast was by far the youngest Survivor had ever had, but Producer Mark Burnet and host Jeff Probst were confident that they wouldn't shy away from conflict or from serious game play. These castaways were stars even when the were just kids. Jeff couldn't wait to see what they brought to the table now.

The first thing Olivia noticed was that Mallory was not on her tribe. Her heart sank and she blinked back t.ears, staring down at the bus seat where she sat alone. It wasn't that she thought Mallory, the youngest Survivor to ever play the game, couldn't handle it. Totally the opposite. Mallory was a very friendly and bubbly person, who made friends almost instantly. In college, she had been out partying with friends every night and almost never called Olivia anymore. And Olivia was sure she'd have no problem fitting in with the other seven members of her new tribe either.

But Olivia wasn't like Mallory. Obviously. She needed her sister. In Kid Nation, everyone had seen Olivia as strong and confident, but she was beginning to realize that maybe she needed Mallory there to make her that way. She stared out the window at the green hill side. If only she and Mallory had been on the same tribe, she could have finally bonded with her sister again. But instead, she was stuck on the opposite tribe.

Olivia looked around wearily at who did happen to be her tribe mates. Jared, still wearing thick glasses and a messy mass of curly brown hair, sat in front, reading a Shakespeare book. Actually, Olivia didn't know what the book was, but that was a pretty good guess. He was instantly recognizable.

It took Olivia a few minutes to recognize the woman next Jared, however. She had dark skin and curly dark hair and was gazing calmly out the window. It took her awhile to realize she was Morgan, the mother figure of Bonanza City and two time gold star winner.

Behind Morgan was Mike, another person it was hard to forget about. The dorky spaz had been the leader of the Red district at the beginning of the game, but hadn't been voted back in because people found him obnoxious. Olivia thought he hadn't changed a bit. Even though he was twenty-two, he still reminded her of an overly excitable five year old that had to pee. She wasn't looking forward to having to spend thirty nine days with him.

The fat girl of Bonanza City, Emilie, had grown into an equally fat woman. Olivia had no idea why she had been invited back since eleven year old Emilie had threatened to quit almost every day. Not that anyone would have missed her. She was sitting next a man who it took a while for Olivia to place - she recognized him as Guylan, the former home schooled kid who was on the council after Mike had been kicked off. He was nice enough, she guessed. But he wasn't her favorite.

And behind him...Olivia had to stifle a laugh. A tall man, dressed in a business suit was staring calmly in front of him, his eyes half closed. Anjay looked different, she had to admit. He wasn't a wimp anymore. He might even be successful. And he looked a lot more confident than Olivia felt right now. She sighed, trying not to feel too much resentment.

Last but not least was Sophia. Olivia cringed and wrinkled her nose. Sophia the bitch. She thought she was better than everyone. Or maybe she actually was. She smiled smugly at Olivia and then turned to the window. Oh yeah, Olivia thought, there's one who will never, ever change.

Beauty queens usually did well on Survivor. Two of them had won and several had made it to the final three at least. Taylor wondered if that was a good sign for her, even if she hadn't actually been in a beauty pageant since she was thirteen years old. She liked to think she wasn't like some of those snotty pageant queens who had been on Survivor before, anyway. She also liked to think she wasn't as bratty as she had been back in Bonanza City. She had watched the DVDs of Kid Nation season one before coming to Iceland. On the one hand, she was really embarrassed about her behavior, but on the other hand, she was kind of impressed with her ten year old self. After all, really, what ten-year old isn't bratty?

The bus stopped at the edge of a large glacier and everyone hurried out. They still weren't allowed to talk and the camera people behind them were doing everything they could to enforce that. Taylor was surprised at how cold it was. Everyone else was wearing heavy jackets, but she only had on shorts and a tank top. She shivered and looked around at her new tribe mates. Since ten years had passed, it was hard to recognize most of them. Divad, one of Taylor's friends from the red district already had a scowl on her face. Divad was infamous for trying to nominate herself for a gold star several times because she was good at making potatoes. Most everyone in Bonanza City had hated Divad, but Taylor thought she was pretty cool.

Behind Divad was a tall woman with red hair, who she recognized as Laurel, the leader of the green district. Laurel looked excited already as she gazed around the landscape. Laurel was very smart even when she was twelve; she'd be a good competitor this time around too. The man next to Laurel looked much less happy to be there. He was small and frail and looked much more like a twelve year old boy than a twenty two year old. Taylor remembered him as Nathan, a shy home schooled boy, who was a hard worker with awful social skills.

He was probably upset because next to him was Blaine, one of the bullies of Bonanza City. Other than being kind of mean to Nathan, Taylor didn't remember Blaine doing much of anything. Well, anything other than following his best friend around.

And speaking of his best friend...Greg had grown up a lot in ten years, but Taylor definitely recognized him. She felt herself blush. Greg was staring straight ahead, a confident look radiating from his face. Greg was an asshole, she remembered, but he was a really hot asshole. Especially since he now had his braces off.

The next woman was one Taylor didn't recognize at all. She had long blonde hair and a pretty smile. Finally, she realized it was Mallory - the youngest Bonanza City resident at age nine and the youngest Survivor ever at age nineteen.

The last member of their tribe came charging out of the bus and bounded down the steps. He was skinny and had a lot of curly brown hair. Taylor stared at him for a minute and clenched her teeth. "Oh not him," she thought. "Why the hell does Zach have to be on my tribe?" Zach, Taylor's least favorite person in Bonanza City, quietly gave all the guys on their tribe a high five and gave Laurel, Divad and Mallory a big hug, but he didn't even look at Taylor.

Taylor forgot she wasn't supposed to be talking and said as obnoxiously as she could, "hey Zach!"

"Shhh," Zach hissed. Taylor rolled her eyes. Mallory and Divad had to cover their mouths to stop from giggling.

Moments later, the other bus arrived, carrying the other tribe of eight more Survivors.

"Welcome, Survivors," announced Jeff Probst, their host, coming to greet them. "Welcome to the mountains of Iceland. As you might have realized," he added, looking pointedly at Taylor, "it's kind of cold here."

"Wow," Sophia said, "it's cold in Iceland? Imagine that."

"Ten years ago," Jeff continued, "all of you came together to create a new society. And today," he added, "you will create another new one. Same people," he added. "Completely different environment. And if I'm guessing correctly, most of you are probably a lot different than you were when you were kids."

Olivia tried to catch Mallory's eye, but her sister was looking intently at Jeff Probst.

He walked over to Olivia's tribe first and handed them a group of blue buffs. "You are the Akranes Tribe. You will wear blue buffs."

"AKRANES!" shouted Mike excitedly. "AWESOME!" Sophia glared at him and rolled her eyes.

"It sounds like a Lord of the Rings character," said Jared.

"Yeah, it does!" Mike agreed.

"Great," said Sophia, "I'm stuck on a tribe with Lord of the Rings fans. Lucky me."

Jeff handed out green buffs to the other tribe. "You are Grindavik," he told them. "You will always wear green."

Laurel smiled. "Yeah, the green district again!" she said.

"Okay," said Jeff. "Last thing. Camps. They're pretty far from here, so you'll have to walk. Grindavik, your camp is five miles west of here. Akranes, five miles east of here."

"UHH!" Taylor groaned. "Too. Much. WALKING!"

Jeff rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Well," he said, "at least you'll get warmed up a little. Now, everyone, get going!"

Greg laughed. "I guess no one told Taylor that it's cold in Iceland," he said to no one in particular.

"It's supposed to be summer," said Taylor.

"You didn't bring any other clothes?" Laurel asked. "Oh my God, Taylor you're going to get pneumonia."

Taylor laughed. "Yeah, some one say something really mean about me! Quick!"

Zach rolled his eyes. "Good God," he said in a confessional. "Why in the world did I have to be on HER tribe? You know," he added, "I thought maybe she had changed since she was ten years old, but I think I was really mistaken. I mean, we're in Iceland and she decides to dress like she's going to the beach. What an idiot!" Zach shook his head. Even ten years later, he still remembered how much of a problem Taylor was in Bonanza City. "We didn't know how to handle her back then," he continued, "but I think I've figured it out now. I'm just going to completely ignore her. She loves being the center of attention and having people notice her, so that will totally drive her crazy."

The other members of Grindavik were eager to find out what their old friends had been up to for the past ten years.

"It was so surreal to see everyone again now that they're all grown up," Laurel said in a confessional. "I mean, most of us probably thought we'd never see each other again after we left Bonanza City. And now, ten years later, here we are. I just can't get over the fact that some of them just look so grown up now. I mean, Zach, he was just a little ten year old kid last time I saw him, and now he's all...big and muscular." She giggled. "It's definitely going to take some getting used to," she added.

While the other members of Grindavik talked, one Survivor lagged quietly behind. Nathan, who had never really belonged in Bonanza City, could tell he wouldn't be able to fit in any better here in Iceland. The men on his tribe, Greg, Blaine and Zach all seemed strong, confident and outgoing. And the women all seemed like the popular girls he had never been able to even talk to in college. He felt small and insignificant compared to the other Grindaviks. "I'm not really sure about this," he said in a confessional. "I really thought I was ready for this, but now that Greg is on my tribe?" he shuddered. Greg had been extremely cruel to him during their stay in Bonanza, and he was no different from most of the other bullies Nathan had met in his life. "I know I'm not going to fit in here," he confessed. "These were all the people I tried to stay away from on Kid Nation. They just weren't my type. And now, they're even more not my type."

The Akranes Tribe was also making good time to their camp. There was a little complaining from Emilie, who wasn't used to exercising as the tribe made their way to camp, but other than that, everyone was having a good time. "This is so exciting," said Morgan in a confessional. "We're in one of the most beautiful places in the world and I get to see all of my good friends again!"

It wasn't long before the blue Akranes flag was in sight. "There it is!" Mike shouted and bolted toward it, hollering and whooping. Morgan and Sophia exchanged glances and laughed.

"That was the longest five miles of my LIFE," Mike said in a confessional, in his patented over the top manner. "But once we found the flag, it was so exciting! I just couldn't wait to get this game started. I mean, I know its going to be hard and a lot of work, but it's really a once in a life time thing. I'm a huge Survivor fan," he added. "I've loved this show since before I was on Kid Nation, so to actually be here is kind of unreal. I mean, this is the real deal," he added. "This isn't summer camp! We're adults now!"

Most of the Akranes tribe was ready to take a rest and chat for awhile, but Sophia, who had always been a go-getter, had other ideas. "Come on, you guys," she said sharply, marching up to Mike, Jared, Morgan and Emilie. "We have stuff to do. You've been talking to each other for five miles and you have thirty nine days to talk. Literally." She put her hands on her hips. "I'm not doing all this myself."

"It really bothered me that everyone on the tribe was just loafing around when we have so much to do," Sophia said in a confessional. "That kind of behavior MAYBE is okay if your ten years old, but now, it's just kind of infuriating. We have a shelter to put up, a fire to make, a latrine to dig, and possibly food if anyone actually wants to eat tonight."

Within a few minutes, Sophia had given everyone orders on setting up camp. Olivia looked at Anjay and rolled her eyes. "Dear God, she's bossy," she said under her breath. Anjay nodded.

"Sophia really stepped up and took charge," Mike said in a confessional, "which, you know, it was sort of annoying and she's kind of bossy, but at the same time, we probably really needed it. I think she pretty much knows what she's doing."

Anjay was the first to assist Sophia with the shelter. "I really wanted to show everyone that I actually have some value this time around," he said in a confessional. "I want everyone to know that I'm not the same "pushover" I was ten years ago."

Olivia took the job of looking for the water source, mainly because she wanted an opportunity to be by herself. For the walk over, she had mostly been quiet, barely listening to what the others were saying. She wasn't interested in talking to any of them anyway and she was almost positive they didn't want to talk to her either. "I came into this game knowing that I'm not the kind of person people like," she told the cameras. "People always think I'm bossy and obnoxious and overbearing." She sighed. "So, for the first part of the game, I'm just going to keep my head down and not really say much of anything. Kind of fly under the radar."

The real reason she didn't want to say anything, though, was because she was afraid she would start crying if she did. Coming on Survivor, she realized now, was a huge mistake. It was only day one, after all, and she'd already managed to alienate everyone. All she could do now was hope that both she and Mallory made the merge or for a tribal shake-up soon.

The Grindavik tribe had also reached their camp site, but things weren't going quite as smoothly for them. Both Greg and Blaine were altitude sick and the long hike hadn't done much to help. Three hours after the tribe had arrived at camp, they were still on their hands and knees throwing up.

"Our two strongest guys, Greg and Blaine are just completely out of commission," Laurel said in a confessional. "Which meant the rest of us really had to step up and get everything done."

"So, Zach and Mallory, you guys think you can start on the shelter?" Laurel asked as she gathered some water to bring to Greg and Blaine.

Zach and Mallory both nodded.

Taylor was busy trying to make a fire. They didn't have flint yet, so she was trying to make it the old fashioned way, rubbing two sticks together. "OH COME ON!" she moaned. "I'm cold!"

"So, okay," Taylor said in a confessional, "maybe not bringing warm clothes to Iceland in the summer was kind of stupid, but," she added, "I'll um, deal with it I guess. Who knows, maybe I can actually use it to my advantage. There's always the flirting "strategy". She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Yep. By tomorrow morning, I'm going to be a frozen Popsicle. But at least maybe I'll be a sexy frozen Popsicle."

Mallory, Nathan and Zach were making good time on the shelter.

"I was really impressed with how well everyone worked together," Laurel told the cameras. "Even without Greg and Blaine, we have a really strong tribe here."

While the others worked on the shelter, Divad took it upon herself to dig the latrine. "No one asked me to do this," she said in a confessional. "I decided to do the hardest, most disgusting job in camp all by myself. So, I hope the tribe is proud of me and thanks me for doing this. I never get noticed for my contributions," she added. "Not in Bonanza City and probably not now. I'm always working my butt off and no one ever seems to notice."

Night had come to the Akranes tribe, though it was almost impossible to tell since it was still light out. The shelter had gotten done hours ago, so the tribe, even Sophia, now had time to kick back and relax.

The topic had gotten to college and majors. "I don't have a major," Jared said unabashedly. "Because I don't go to college."

Sophia gave him a weird look. "Yeah, you know, what is up with that?" she asked. "What's your job? A glass blower?"

Jared nodded confidently. Sophia wrinkled her nose. "See, that makes no sense to me," she said. "I mean, you're so smart. Why would you choose to do something like that with your life?"

Jared was now beginning to look uncomfortable.

"I wasn't trying to be rude," Sophia said in a confessional, "it's just that Jared was the smartest eleven year old ever pretty much. He could have invented time travel or cured cancer, but the fact that he didn't even go to college? It boggles the mind."

"Maybe he's planning on going to college later," said Morgan, helpfully.

"I think Jared was kind of embarrassed by Sophia's comments," Mike told the cameras. "He didn't really show it or anything, but I think she really hurt his feelings. Being a glass blower is kind of cool. Maybe not as cool as being an opinion writer," he added, making a reference to Sophia's job. "But it's still cool."

"You know Sophia," Olivia piped up. "That's not particularly nice."

Sophia gaped at her. "She SPEAKS!" she said and gasped.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "It's his life, you know," she spat. "He can do what ever he wants with it!"

"Thanks for the opinion," said Sophia.

Olivia stood up. "I'm going to bed," she said tearfully and stomped off toward the shelter. Sophia just stared after her, her mouth open.

"Okay," she said in a confessional. "I seriously don't know what Olivia's problem is. She says nothing all day and then just attacks me like that for no reason. Maybe she forgot to bring her Zoloft or something. We should probably vote her out so she can go get it."

The Grindavik tribe had finished their shelter as well and were also taking the opportunity to relax. Blaine was asleep in the shelter, but Greg was beginning to feel better.

"It really sucks to be such a wet rag to my tribe," Greg told the cameras. "I'm really sort of embarrassed that that had to happen to Blaine and me and no one else got sick at all, but I'll make it up to them. There's no way I'm going to let a little altitude sickness slow me down. Tomorrow at the challenge, I'm going to be ready to wipe the floor with the other tribe."

"So, do you miss your sister?" Laurel asked Mallory as the tribe huddled together around the unlit fire pit.

"Are you kidding?" Mallory asked and laughed. "The last thing I wanted was to be on Olivia's tribe," she said in a confessional. "I know she's my big sister, but she really bugs me. Plus," she added, "I want to make my own contributions to this game. I'm the youngest person ever to be on Survivor and I know because of that, I have a lot to prove."

"I don't miss her either," said Nathan and laughed weakly.

Within a few minutes, the conversation had drifted to memories of Bonanza City and Kid Nation.

"My favorite was when Taylor wouldn't do dishes because she's a beauty queen," Greg said and laughed.

Taylor bit her lip and smiled apologetically. "I was such a little brat back then," she said. "Seriously, we could talk for DAYS about all the bitchy things I did in Bonanza City."

"Yeah, remember the fruit salad thing?" Mallory added.

"It was sort of funny talking about all of this," Taylor told the cameras, "but kind of embarrassing too. I kind of played it off like it wasn't a big deal though and just laughed it off. I mean, what else can you do? That wasn't me. I mean, it was me, but I'm not like that anymore." She smiled. "At least, I hope not. One thing this is making me realize is that in this game, if I do anything to REALLY annoy them, they can just get rid of me. It's not like Kid Nation where you have to put up with everyone for forty days. If I'm they're going to keep me around, I'm really going to have to work a little harder. A LOT harder."

As they were talking, Zach kept his eyes on Taylor. He was starting to feel bad about ignoring her all day. "You know," he said in a confessional, "maybe I was too quick to judge. Maybe she really has grown up a lot. I mean, I think she actually is pretty different." He sighed. "The clothes thing is still stupid though," he added.

The next morning, Greg and Taylor went to get Tree Mail. "Uh oh," said Greg, looking it over. "First Immunity Challenge."

"You up for it?" Taylor asked.

Greg nodded. "Yeah, babe, I'm up for it," he said. "I'm still a little woozy," he said in a confessional, "but I'm not going to let my tribe know that. No matter what, I have to give it my all today."

"Come on in, guys," said Jeff Probst as the two tribes entered for the challenge. "How is everyone?"

"Terrific," Greg lied.

"Okay," said Jeff, "lets get to the first Immunity Challenge. For today's challenge you'll each have four people from your tribe searching for bundles each containing four puzzle pieces. You will then bring them back so that the other four members can build the puzzle. Whoever completes the puzzle first wins Immunity. Okay," he said. "Survivors ready? GO!"

(Grindavik wins!)

"Grindavik wins Immunity!" Jeff shouted. "Congratulations, guys," he said, handing the idol to Laurel. "Akranes, I'm sorry, but I have nothing for you. I'll see you tonight."

The defeated Akranes returned to camp feeling sad and dejected. Morgan, who had been feeling sick since that morning went to lie down in the shelter. Worried, Sophia followed her in.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore," Morgan said weakly.

Sophia looked at the ground and said nothing. "Morgan is my best friend out here," she said in a confessional, her eyes filling with t.ears. "And probably the most normal person on this tribe. I really don't want her to get voted out just because she isn't feeling well. Especially," she added, "when there's some one so much better to get rid of."

Anjay was gathering water when Sophia approached him. "You still hate Olivia with a vengeance?" she asked him.

"Aw, I never hated her with a vengeance," Anjay replied. "She is sort of…"

"A snot?" Sophia finished for him. "Look, I totally don't see any reason to keep her," she continued. "She's just dead weight at this point."

Anjay nodded. "Sophia approached me with the idea of voting off Olivia," he said in a confessional. "And I think it's not a bad idea. When I was a kid, I was terrified of Olivia, but now I kind of feel sorry for her. Her head's really not in it and she's really alienated herself. I think we'd be doing her a favor."

Olivia knew they were talking about her. She sat with her head in her hands and tried not to cry. "I feel so vulnerable right now," she told the cameras. "I have no friends on this tribe and I just know Sophia's going to try to get rid of me." She sighed shakily. "In a way, I kind of want to leave," she added, "but I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I didn't do something to keep myself in the game. This is really my only chance to reconcile with Mallory, so I have to stay in it and at least make merge."

She knew she had to try something. Mike, Jared, Guylan and Emilie weren't Olivia's favorite people and she'd hardly talked to them at all, but she swallowed her pride and approached them anyway. "Look," she said, "I know I've been sort of a snob, but I promise if you keep me around, I'll be friendlier."

"Um, I don't think it works that way, Olivia," Mike said in the nicest way he could.

"But guys, Morgan is sick right now," Olivia told them. "She's a weak link and I think voting her out over me would be a good idea to keep our tribe strong."

"I tried to at least give them an alternative," she confessed, "and I really hope its enough. I hope at least someone will vote with me."

"Come on in, Akranes," Jeff said as the eight of them entered the Tribal Council area. "Kind of weird holding Tribal with it still being light out," he added. "Anyway, go ahead and grab a torch. In this game, fire equals life. When your fire is gone, so are you."

The tribe sat down and waited for him to begin. "So, Mike," Jeff started, "how was it beginning a new game with people you knew ten years ago?"

"It was kind of surreal," Mike answered. "I mean, it was really cool, but you expect everyone to be the same, but then, they're not!"

"Sophia," said Jeff "is there anyone who still acts like their Kid Nation self?"

Sophia rolled her eyes. "Olivia," she said without hesitation.

"I resent that," Olivia snapped. "I've been trying to fly under the radar and not cause too much trouble."

Sophia scoffed. "No," she said. "No, I meant that you were stuck up then and you're still stuck up now. No offense or anything."

"I'm stuck up?" Olivia asked. "I'M stuck up? Why don't you tell Jeff how you made fun of Jared for not going to college earlier?"

"I have no idea why you'd bring that up," Sophia scoffed.

Jeff watched for awhile, slightly amused before he continued. "So, Guylan," he said, "what do you base your vote on tonight?"
"Well," said Guylan, "I guess at this point, we just want to keep the tribe strong and do what's best for our morale."

"Okay," said Jeff, "it is time to vote. Olivia, you're up."

Olivia swept past the rest of the tribe and stomped up to the voting booth.

"Okay," said Jeff once the voting was completed, "I will tally the votes. Once the votes are read, the decision is final. The person will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I'll read the votes…" He slowly pulled out the first slip of paper.

"Olivia…that's one vote Olivia

Morgan

Olivia…two votes Olivia, one vote Morgan

Morgan…tied at two votes each…

Olivia

Morgan…three votes each

Morgan

First person voted out of Survivor Iceland….

Morgan…"

Sophia gaped at Jeff in shock as Morgan stood up to leave. "Morgan, you need to bring me your torch," Jeff said. "Morgan, the tribe has spoken. Well," he added as Morgan disappeared down the path, "an interesting decision tonight. Guylan said it was about keeping the tribe strong or helping with morale. Hopefully this at least helped with one of them. Grab your torches. Head on back to camp.

The Votes:

Anjay: Olivia

Olivia: Morgan

Morgan: Olivia

Sophia: Olivia

Jared: Morgan

Mike: Morgan

Guylan: Morgan

Emilie: Morgan

Really bad, and not even that long compared to fics like All-Star Hawaii and guatemala_fanfic's ones.

First off, I did watch Kid Nation but not religiously, so I am a bit familiar with the characters but not too much. I usually much prefer the way I write my stories as a script, but I must say that I really enjoyed the narration at the beginning of your episode. It was also interesting how you picked Olivia and Taylor to express their thoughts about each of their tribemates as they saw them. I enjoyed reading that part.

One thing that I have to say (and I wouldn't necessarily consider this a criticism) is that I agree with Yrik that many of the characters seemed to be exactly what they were like ten years ago in the first Kid Nation. It really seemed like I was reading them as they were at 12, 13, 14 years-old rather than what they would be like as adults. I think it would have been interesting to write it as if they really were kids, but obviously it's not realistic.

One thing I would caution you is to try not to make that characters *too* over-the-top or make them caricatures of themselves. I felt like this was happening with Sophia immediately where she was making all of those comments about it being cold in Iceland, the tribe name, and Lord of the Rings, etc.



Yeah, Sophia probably could be toned down a little (maybe a lot ). I was kind of going for her being like Courtney in the beginning scenes of China or Jonathan making sarcastic comments to Jeff during challenges, but I guess this early in the game, she probably wouldn't be snarking on him yet!

We didn't really get to see what Olivia did on Day 1 to alienate everybody (unless I somehow missed it, which is possible).

Taylor's confessional was very good, very in character, but it's a prime example of something that I thought would come right out of her mouth as a kid.

I wasn't really a fan of the scene between Sophia and Jared. I'm not sure if you were trying to imply that people should go to college or that Sophia was ignorant and didn't realize that there were other paths to being successful in life. I also don't know if the Sophia/Olivia thing would have happened, especially when Olivia said she was going to stay under the radar for the first half of the game.

I noticed that you had Greg use the term "wet rag," which seems like it was because Joel used it to describe Chet. I think you could have perhaps come up with another term to use, such as "lame duck" or something like that. I know that's what I used for Austin in All-Stars. Even something like "dead weight", etc.

Another thing: would Mallory really say something like that about not wanting to be with her sister, and then about wanting to contribute something of her own to the game? That's one of the few things that struck me as out of character, but maybe Mallory is one of the people who changed.

I honestly liked the fact that you didn't write a challenge and just skipped right to the outcome. I don't read a lot of other fanfics because of time issues and when I do, I usually just skim over the challenges.

And Morgan being sick may have come a little out of left field. Olivia would have probably been a better choice for the first boot, but I understand that you're probably going to try to keep her around to have some kind of a reunion with Mallory eventually. Sophia seemd to have a lot of facetime but she's obviously one of the better characters.

My winner prediction at this point would be Zach.