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After Psuedo and Jibjab have their spat, everyone leaves off the stage leaving only Pie and Merkyl. Merkyl and Pie are starcrossed lovers, always flirting but never committing. Merkyl knocks on Pie's door...

(to the tune of "Light My Candle" from RENT)

Pie:
Who's that?

(Merkyl enters, carrying a laptop)

Merkyl:
Wanna see?

Pie:
What is it? You're...
You're clicking

Merkyl:
It's silly
It's just a cool pic
And I'm just a little
Excited to show
Would you click my tub.girl?
Will you stare at it?

Pie:
No way!
You must be dreaming
You try to trick
(Pie's hand lingers over the mouse, poised to click)
No I mustn't

Merkyl:
Just do it and you won't regret it
At least click it for one second
Anyway. Why not?

Pie:
No way
Your computer is tempting me

Merkyl:
I always tempt people with a linky

Pie:
I can't. It just wouldn't be proper.

(Mimi discreetly blows out the candle)

Merkyl:
Just click it now
Sorry about the tempt
Would you click my tub.girl?

(Pie clicks the link. She stares, longingly.)

Pie:
Well --

Merkyl:
Yeah. Ow!

Pie:
Oh, sorry, I squeezed you

Merkyl:
I'm bleeding. Almost like a...

Roger:
A period.. I know that...

Oh, well. Goodnight.

(Pie gestures towards the door. Merkyl exits. Pie heads back to her computer to look at tub.girl again. There is another knock, which she answers)

You need me to click again?

Merkyl:
No -- I think that I dropped my cup

Pie:
I know I've seen you with two girls
When I used to go out
Is that the one?

Merkyl:
It is
I had it when I walked in the door
It was sacred
Is it on the floor?

Pie:
The floor?

(Merkyl gets down on all fours and starts searching the floor for his cup. He looks back at Pie, who is staring at him)

Merkyl:
Ill says I have the best ass below OSTS
Is it true?

Pie:
What?

Merkyl:
It's FABULOUS.

Pie:
Oh no.
I mean you do -- have a nice --
I mean -- You look like a homo

Merkyl:
Like your Asian husband?

Pie:
Only when you smile.
But I'm sure that your cup isn't here

Merkyl:
Have you seen the girls with their cup?
That's what I love, it's pure sex

Pie:
Ew!
They vomit it back up....

Merkyl:
It's fulfilling

Pie:
I wouldn't watch it again
Without some pudding

Merkyl:
We could click on tub.girl
Oh won't you click on tub.girl?

(Pie clicks is again)

Pie:
Why don't you forget that stuff
It makes you look like a perv

Merkyl:
I'm a perv, I'm just too closeted to help my case
I'm just born for ILL

Pie:
I once was born for ILL
I used to long for his KISS

Merkyl:
I have the heat -- I told you

Pie:
I used to :driv

Merkyl:
I need a man

Pie:
Uh huh
You used to be a straight guy

Merkyl:
But now and then I like to --

Pie:
Uh huh

Merkyl:
Feel good

Pie:
Here it is -- um --

(Pie stoops and picks up a small object: Merkyl's cup)

Merkyl:
What's that?

Pie:
It's just my mooncup

(Pie puts it behind her back and up her cooch)

Merkyl:
We could click on tub.girl

(Pie gently closes the laptop)

Merkyl:
What'd you do with my tub.girl?

Pie:
That was my last time

Merkyl:
My eyes will adjust, thank God for goatse

Pie:
Maybe it's not goatse at all
I hear it was Angela showing off her vag

Merkyl:
Bah humbug ... Bah humbug

(Merkyl places his hand under hers, pretending to do it by accident)

Pie:
Cold hands

Merkyl:
Yours too.
Big. Like my lover's...err father's
You wanna dance?

Pie:
With you?

Merkyl:
No -- with your mooncup

Pie:
You're silly

Merkly:
I know I
I know I am.

(Merkyl flounces and walks out)