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All-Stars Galapagos - Chapter 5 up, with chapter 6 coming next century!

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Oaf	All-Stars Galapagos - Chapter 5 up, with chapter 6 coming next century!	Lead	[-]
Posts: 23 (12/27/07 5:02 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Chapter 1 - They came at us with nothing! Chapter 2 - Impressions and Expressions Chapter 3 - Comfortably Numb Chapter 4 - Five New Songs Chapter 5 - Close-up Yes, I know, not the most original concept, but hopefully it's good enough for you to at least try and read. There are a few things that are different in this fan-fic, namely the drawings, the format, and the writing style which doesn't try to mimic the real show. If Mario had written one about the current characters, I probably wouldn't have written it in the first place, but since I couldn't find any recent all-stars stories that aren't written like a script, I felt the need to write one. I'll be more than thankful for you responses. any kind of response will do, but if you want some guidance, here you go: What are your thoughts on the cast? who are the good choices, who are the not-so-good ones? Who do you think is missing from the list? What are your thoughts on the writing style, the language? Is it readable, and what are the things I need to improve? I'm from Israel, and English doesn't come as natural to me as Hebrew, so this is where the language barrier comes from. What are your thoughts on the tribe division, on the twists (I don't want to give anything away, you'll know what I'm talking about when you read it)? What are your thought on the characters and the interaction between them? Is it believable? Do you want to see more interaction between certain characters (or less for that matter)? What are your thoughts on the strategy? Do some characters need to strategize more aggressively, or less aggressively, or in a completely different way than presented? What are your thoughts on the challenge? Did you make it to the end, or have you given up halfway through? Would this kind of challenge work on the real show? What are your thoughts on the eviction? Justified? Surprising enough? What was reaction towards the denaturing character? What are your thoughts on questions beginning with 'what are your thoughts on'? What are your thoughts on the episode? Did you read it all? Will you continue to read this story? How much would you give it out of 10? Hopefully you enjoy it, and if not, at least you'll have something to complain about. :) Last Edited By: Oaf 06/27/08 8:50 PM. Edited 14 times.
SenseiKreese		#1	[-]
Posts: 1850 (12/27/07 5:10 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I like the pictures idea. I had always meant to do something like that with my stories but I never got around to it. But I think it's a good idea to break up the text, so nice job! One thing I will recommend for you is that you need to break up your chunks of text with spaces between them. I know it will make the story about twice as long (page wise) but it's a psychological thing. Readers get incredibly intimidated when they see a big chunk of text with no breaks in it. I've always found that the quickest way to make readers lose interest is to write big long sentences and paragraphs that take up half a page. That's specifically why I keep my sentences and paragraphs so choppy. It's a psychological thing to make the episode seem shorter (and read faster) than it actually is. Good luck with your story. Sorry I never wrote any stories using players after Amazon. I guess now the onus is on you. :)
dontkilloffcharlie		#2	[-]
Posts: 138 (12/27/07 5:22 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	this was great. honestly, you put way more into this than most fan fic writers. i look forward, for the first time ever, to see what comes next. you are the first fanfiction writer to grab my attention. keep going!!!
Oaf		#3	[-]
Posts: 24 (12/27/07 5:23 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Thanks Mario. A blessing from the master does not go unnoticed. :) I actually have the opposite response to spaced-out text - it always seems disconnected, to me, like notes that go on forever instead of a unified story. That's just me though - I understand why I might be rethinking the 'chunks' thing. In any case, I'll wait until the second episode for any major changes. And dontkilloffcharlie - that means a lot, thank you. The need to write this fanfic came from lack of ones that I could relate to - hopefully I don't turn into one of them without noticing. Last Edited By: Oaf 12/27/07 5:25 PM. Edited 1 times.
Pulau Tiga		#4	[-]
Posts: 3255 (12/27/07 5:36 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I really don't read fanfics - I don't have time - but this one looks pretty good, and you might be onto something here. It's a very interesting take on the whole idea, and I think it's a breath of fresh air as far as reading it goes. I'm inclined to continue following the series, and that's quite a feat for you to pull off.
SenseiKreese		#5	[-]
Posts: 1851 (12/27/07 6:07 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I actually have the opposite response to spaced-out text - it always seems disconnected, to me, like notes that go on forever instead of a unified story. That's just me though - I understand why I might be rethinking the 'chunks' thing. In any case, I'll wait until the second episode for any major changes. Well it's your style, not mine. Personally I think you should tell anybody who critiques your style to go take a flying leap. I've never even liked my style all that much anyway. I was just telling you that, through experience, I have learned that big long chunks of words on a screen can be intimidating. So I wouldn't shorten your paragraphs at all, I would just put spaces between them. It won't change your style at all, it will just "appear" more accessible. Because for a lot of first time readers, appearances are everything. For example: Twila and Katie made their way across the shoreline in silence. They didn't know exactly what they were looking for, or if they had a chance of finding anything at all. Usually they weren't that hard on themselves, but they couldn't help it - seeing the other all-stars, most of them heroes in their respective seasons, and the way they looked at them both… Twila and Katie didn't exchange words during their walk, but it was like they were in each-other's minds. They both were women with big personalities who reached the final two only to get ripped apart by the jury, against a man who got praised for his game, or for his comeback. And here they were, brought back against all odds, brought back for a chance to right the wrong, to do it the way it should be done this time, to come out on top. But what if they end up going the same path as last time? What if nothing changes and they still remain as hated, as unappreciated as before, or even more? The first time around, they could argue that the editing did them wrong, that people misjudged them, that it was bad luck. What if it happens again? What will it say about them as people? But all of this was unsaid by the two women now walking on the beach and having more in common with each-other than they would ever know. They weren't the type of person that would spill their heart out the day they meet, so they just walked, making footprints on the white sand, a sea breeze caressing their faces, scared of things to come. It was a rude awakening for Katie when Twila suddenly stopped in her tracks, looking suspicious. "This ain't looking right." Katie looked to where Twila was pointing, and saw it too: to their left, where the ground began to rise and was obscured almost entirely by trees, a small opening was barely visible, a route free from plants that looked as if… "Hand made", Katie concluded, Twila nodded, and they both turned left and started going up the hidden route, excited, a bewildered cameraman trying to keep up with them. Those are all good paragraphs but they are all wedged together. I'm just saying that if you separate them with a space between them, it will just look less intimidating: Twila and Katie made their way across the shoreline in silence. They didn't know exactly what they were looking for, or if they had a chance of finding anything at all. Usually they weren't that hard on themselves, but they couldn't help it - seeing the other all-stars, most of them heroes in their respective seasons, and the way they looked at them both… Twila and Katie didn't exchange words during their walk, but it was like they were in each-other's minds. They both were women with big personalities who reached the final two only to get ripped apart by the jury, against a man who got praised for his game, or for his comeback. And here they were, brought back against all odds, brought back for a chance to right the wrong, to do it the way it should be done this time, to come out on top. But what if they end up going the same path as last time? What if nothing changes and they still remain as hated, as unappreciated as before, or even more? The first time around, they could argue that the editing did them wrong, that people misjudged them, that it was bad luck. What if it happens again? What will it say about them as people? But all of this was unsaid by the two women now walking on the beach and having more in common with each-other than they would ever know. They weren't the type of person that would spill their heart out the day they meet, so they just walked, making footprints on the white sand, a sea breeze caressing their faces, scared of things to come. It was a rude awakening for Katie when Twila suddenly stopped in her tracks, looking suspicious. "This ain't looking right." Katie looked to where Twila was pointing, and saw it too: to their left, where the ground began to rise and was obscured almost entirely by trees, a small opening was barely visible, a route free from plants that looked as if… "Hand made", Katie concluded, Twila nodded, and they both turned left and started going up the hidden route, excited, a bewildered cameraman trying to keep up with them. At the very least, if you don't do that, I would try to indent: Last Edited By: SenseiKreese 12/27/07 6:25 PM. Edited 2 times.
OnlyMatthew		#6	[-]
Posts: 490 (12/27/07 11:45 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	per the good reviews of PT and SK, I read it. I'm impressed, it's actually like a story, not just like one long conversation. I don't particularly like no tribes, but the writing is interesting, so I'll keep reading.
ptcruisn56		#7	[-]
Posts: 3883 (12/28/07 12:02 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I actually prefer them written as stories then written by a script. I used to read guatemala fanfic's stories and they are well written and feel like the show, but the way Mario and some others who write it as a story it makes me feel like I know the inner workings of the character a bit more.
Oaf		#8	[-]
Posts: 25 (12/28/07 4:34 AM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Mario, thanks for the time you took to show me what you meant. I actually understood you the first time, just didn't find the write words for it- I was trying to say that "spacing out" the paragraphs seems disconnected to me, personally. But the segment you changed in you example does look less intimidating and more readable. What would help me decide is other readers' opinions - what do you think? What form of writing would make the reading easier? ptruisn56, My intention was giving the readers something that fanfics written like a script don't give.fanfics, in their series of events, can never be as good as the real show, because they'll never be as authentic - reality always surpasses fiction, because reading about an imaginary character doing something shocking is nothing like watching a real person doing something and knowing that he actually did it in real life. So I try to bring something to my story that doesn't exist on the real show, and that is "mind-reading", which adds another dimension to the story. I hope I'm successful in that regard. OnlyMatthew- i actually have an opposite opinion on the 'no-tribe' thing - I always wanted to see it on the real show, or at least I wanted to see them merge earlier than they have. It enables new dynamics, it puts the characters in more of a 'pressure-cooker' situation (is that how you say it?), and it doesn't put the game "on hold" for six episodes or more. I thought it was appropriate in this story, because it really tests your survivor-playing skills in that ending up on a better tribe is sometimes pure luck, and now all of them have to prove themselves right away. Anyway, thanks for continuing to read, I hope it doesn't disappoint.
SenseiKreese		#9	[-]
Posts: 1865 (12/28/07 4:39 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I promise to read this story and give you some feedback, but it won't be right away because I'm still working on my Hawaii rewrite. And it's always been impossible for me to read one story while I'm writing another. I've tried it and I can't do it. So I'll get you some story feedback in the future, whenever I have a break between episodes.
Burrito Taco		#10	[-]
Posts: 924 (12/28/07 11:09 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I read it and I loved it. I think everything is fine the way it is actually. If you keep this quality consistent throughout, I'll keep reading all the way. The language is fine. My only nitpick is the misuse of words like lose/loose and than/then, but it's a very minor mistake that could be easily fixed. The interactions were great. The challenge was great, especially the end. One tribe is risky to pull off though. It's like every tribal council you have to explain how each person voted and why. It could get messy, but I'm interested in where it goes. Keep up the good work.
Oaf		#11	[-]
Posts: 26 (12/28/07 11:43 AM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Mario - take your time. I understand how confusing reading and writing at the same time can be (hell - I even understand how confusing just writing can be). Burrito Taco (is that username a reference to Cartman?) - thanks for your comments - I can't guarantee the quality is going to remain consistent throughout, since I'm not the most subjective person when it comes to my story, but I can say that the next episodes are longer, are more focused, and give more attention to less developed characters. About the misuse of words- you're absolutely right, I guess it's just one of those things that I'll learn as I go along, As writing in this language does not come naturally to me. I did fixed the mistakes you pointed out, and I'll replace the link to this episode when I post the second one next week. You have a point about the possibility of the story getting messy with up to sixteen people voting at the same time (not anymore, now it's only fifteen), but I can promise you every single vote is explained and mentioned. Even if it's a part of a group consensus, it's at least stated.
Oaf		#12	[-]
Posts: 27 (12/29/07 6:58 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	never mind Last Edited By: Oaf 12/30/07 8:19 AM. Edited 2 times.
Pulau Tiga		#13	[-]
Posts: 3311 (12/29/07 10:28 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I'm pretty sure you can't link to outside sites, because that's just advertising your fanfic. Then again, Mario does it with Hawaii, so I don't know.
Lurlene McDaniels		#14	[-]
Posts: 345 (12/30/07 12:10 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Hehe. Wow, is Jeff a jerk! I like this so far - especially the end of the episode. It's a lot like the types of fanfics I write except you are actually brave enough to post it here. I'm writing a Survivor Iceland story with the Kid Nation cast (sixteen of them - ten years later of course - not that Survivor will last that long, but use your imagination:) I was going to post it here. Maybe I still will... Anyways...go Shane and Courtney! I guess this was written before China though. I'd like to see the other Courtney in it as well. The two Courtneys are such opposites of each other, it'd be great to have them on the same tribe! Last Edited By: Lurlene McDaniels 12/30/07 12:13 AM. Edited 1 times.
Oaf		#15	[-]
Posts: 28 (12/30/07 1:23 AM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I guess this was written before China though. I'd like to see the other Courtney in it as well. The two Courtneys are such opposites of each other, it'd be great to have them on the same tribe! Cortney would've been my first choice of casting - but you're right, I've started to write it before China started, so I couldn't include her. Hey, Maybe my next fanfic can have the concept of sixteen Courtneys fighting it out on a deserted island! God knows this character can carry it on her (tiny) back.
Oaf	All-Stars Galapagos - Chapter 2	#16	[-]
Posts: 29 (01/03/08 6:18 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Just in time for the reveal of a real all-stars cast (or at least half of it), episode two is up in pdf form, and can be viewed right here. It's called "Impressions and Expressions", and in it, due to a shocking twist, a reward competition occurs, followed by a quest for immunity and a peculiar voting ceremony. This has never been done before, trust me. Plus, there are some tribal dynamics and character development involved, but that's less important. I'd be more than thankful for any kind of response (constructive criticism is my favorite, by the way). I hope you enjoy this episode and come back for the next one, posted next thursday. (The first chapter, for the few of you who haven't read it yet)
Oaf		#17	[-]
Posts: 31 (01/04/08 6:31 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Just because I'm optimistic (or delusional, whichever way you wanna call it) I'm gonna assume people haven't been commenting on the story because they can't access the link, or are just too lazy to click on it. I'll try posting the first two chapters here, in the hopes it would help some readers get into the story - otherwise, I'm out of ideas. Cramped inside a small boat which was making its way from Ecuador to the remote Galapagos Islands, Jeff Probst was looking at the 16 contestants he had a hand in picking for the second all-star season, when he suddenly found himself asking - not out-loud, of course - "What the fuck am I doing here?" Obviously, he thought, the reasons I give the press every season for doing the show are absolutely rubbish. It isn't the best job in the world, as I always insist, it's not a fascinating experience to watch 16 bartenders butt heads with each-other as if the game is played for the first time, and I don't think the social aspect of the show has a tremendous influence on modern culture as we know it. Nowadays, it's just a quest for ratings, a reality show in a sea of thousands of other reality shows, a game that has lost all the meaning it once had. It's just a bunch of people winning challenges and writing other people's names on paper until one of them wins the game. Nothing more. As he stood there, watching the people he'll be stuck with for the next 39 days, the "best of the best" so to speak, he started to wonder - best compared to whom? Tom Westman, now sitting at the front of the boat and staring sharply into sea, would probably be considered by the vast majority of viewers as one of the "best". But in real life, does it really give you any credibility to win in physical competitions against Katie and Janu, or to beat mentally people like Caryn and Ian? And speaking of Ian, How can Jeff keep a straight face while promoting the new all-stars season as a season with the "best" players from seasons 9 through 14, when a guy who quit the game a day before it ended is in the boat right now, one of the 16 players about to be stranded in the middle of nowhere? Jeff heard a terrible sound from behind him and quickly turned around just in time to catch Cirie vomiting like crazy over the deck. Sure, Cirie was very lucky and went very far three seasons ago - but that was it - luck! How can anybody think more of it? It's not a game of "outwit, outplay, outlast" anymore, all there is left to it is "outluck". It's just a matter of being in the right place at the right time, of being surrounded by people stupider than you, or louder than you, or more self-destructive than you. Just shear luck, that is what's needed to succeed in the game, and anyone who claims they went far due to their skill, strength and mind-power, is just lucky enough not to be proven otherwise, that's all. Eliza, now watching Cirie puking her guts out and looking a bit sick herself, is a great example of how random this game is. She made unforgivable mistakes, like betraying her alliance six days into the game, and like being an annoying loud-mouth, but still managed to get to day 37 just by being a number when people needed a number. Is this the criteria for an all-star season? What exactly are they playing at? At that moment, Jeff didn't feel too good, and it had nothing to do with being sea-sick. Well, maybe just a little, as it was a very windy day. Shane and Courtney sat at the back of the boat, shooting quick glances at each other. Jeff was sure that neither of them thought the other one deserves to be back for a second round. Truth was, they both didn't deserve it. They were brought back just to add craziness, bickering and tension. They certainly weren't "all-stars". Jeff felt a little ashamed that two people who probably wouldn't even be hired as babysitters can make it on Survivor, and even worse, all-star survivor. Was this show really that cheap? Yes, Jeff thought to himself as he caught a glimpse of Jonathan, the only contestant back from Cook-Islands, it is really that cheap. Jonathan was a terrible social player who made terrible game moves in his season, and yet he was the best choice to bring back from Cook-Islands simply because he was surrounded by boring non-entities. And to say that Katie, who was sitting next to him at the moment and who was even worse of a social player, was not a cheap way to bring in some negativity - and in doing so, drama - to the season would be lying. And lying is something that Dreamz knows too well. Dreamz's back was turned towards Yau-man as Jeff observed the two of them from afar, but Dreamz had no problem facing Yau-man just a few months ago when he betrayed him near the end of Fiji. Yau-man was a great character and Jeff was more than happy to bring him back, but after all, he was fooled by a guy who was so tangled and messed-up he even believed his own lies. Jeff looked from Dreamz, who was staring blankly into space, to Courtney and Shane once again, and then to Ami, who dominated her season, but had done so in a cold, disconnected, intimidating way, and he started to feel he was stuck, not in the middle of the sea, but inside a mental institution. Rafe and Cindy were the ones brought from Guatemala, frankly because they were the ones who said "yes" when asked. Sure, Cindy may have had the potential to be one of the toughest chicks ever to play the game, and sure, Rafe may have been a surprising dominant social and physical player considering his background and his frail body, but in seasons like Borneo and Australia they wouldn't even be considered All-star material, especially Cindy. Once, they had so many great characters to choose from, and now, Cindy somehow makes the show. Then again, Jenna Lewis was a far worst casting choice last time. So maybe, Jeff thought, I'm being too hard on myself and the other producers. He started to believe his own words when his and Terry's eyes met. Terry may have been a great physical power-house in Exile-Island, but he couldn't beat a 3 year-old in a mind game if his life depended on it. Is this really the best cast they could come up with after six seasons, are these people really the best players and characters out of 109 contestants, and if so, what does it say about the show? What does it say about the host of the show? And, of course, Julie. Julie sat alone in a corner, observing everyone as Jeff observed her. He didn't even want to think about Julie participating in this season, and how hard it's going to be. So he didn't. He turned his glance away from her, and his eyes rested upon Twila instead. Ah, Twila. Twila was the one person who made Jeff feel differently about this season. If only she could make it to the end again, and this time with the 1,000,000 in her pocket, it would all be worth it. She was the one person who truly needed the money. The one person Jeff felt this season was meant for in the first place- to right the wrong that was done last time. It was no coincidence Chris wasn't brought back this time around. Twila needed to win. Twila had to win. But the chances for that to happen, Jeff knew, were slim. 1/16, to be precise. And either way, 16 self-absorbed drama queens are going to be his company for more than a month. What the fuck was he doing here? The boat was getting nearer and nearer to the beach. Jeff could see the cameramen getting ready to catch his self-important and meaningless introduction to the season. He stood up, took one last look at the people that were going to make him miserable for a very long time, sighed, and started shouting something about an experience of a lifetime, battling the elements, out-something, out-something-else, out-one-more-thing, 39 days, 16 all-stars, and one survivor. Last Edited By: Oaf 01/04/08 6:45 PM. Edited 1 times.
Oaf		#18	[-]
Posts: 32 (01/04/08 6:32 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Chapter One -They came at us with nothing! Days 1-3 The boat bumped against the shore. The 16 all-stars, once they left the boat and their feet touched the soft sand, weren't sure what they were supposed to do. Fortunately, Jeff faced them and started his speech before anyone had time to react. "This is it", he said dramatically, "the game's about to start. You're probably waiting to hear about the big twist this season. Well, the twist is- there is no twist. We're going back to basics, guys. You'll be starting off as one tribe, and that ain't gonna change until only two of you remain. There will be no switch. No merge. No hidden immunity idol. No exile Island. Let's see which one of you can win a clean, simple game of Survivor, with no unexpected turns that can harm or help your game. It is simply all up to you. Good luck." And without further explanation, and without any shocking announcement, just like that, Jeff turned the boat away from them and went off. There they were - the best of the best, stuck on an island and given nothing, absolutely nothing. No machete, no flint, no pot for boiling water, NO WATER, and, worst of all, no instructions whatsoever. All of them expected something, they didn't know what exactly, but surely something... but there was nothing. Nothing at all. So for a few long seconds, they all just stood there on the white sand, some staring into the sea to the spot where Jeff was slowly disappearing, some looking down at their feet, which was very uncharacteristic for an all-star cast, but then again, they were caught completely off guard. Where was the grand opening they were all expecting? Jonathan, though, was just delighted, and could hardly hide his enthusiasm. How beautiful it was, the simplicity of it! 'Back to the basics', as Jeff worded it. How befitting! It made absolute sense to him, but judging from the others' faces, he was in the minority with this particular opinion. "Well," he broke the silence, and everyone's gaze went immediately in his direction, "let the game begin!" and he actually raised an imaginary glass at this. "To us! The only people alive who are self-centered and fame-hungry enough to go through this crap again! And may the best man - or woman - ", he added quickly, catching Ami's expression, "win!" The ice broke at once, as all of them started laughing and cheering, raising empty hands into the air and shouting: "to us!", and the season began at that exact moment. Fifteen minutes later, Eliza was surrounded by fewer trees than she would have liked, accompanied by Yau-man, and moving faster than a bullet. But no matter how fast she was moving, her mind was racing much, much faster. If we could get inside it, we would hear something along the lines of: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god I can't believe it. This is happening. This is actually happening. I made it, I made it, I'm in, it has started, and now I'm gathering wood for the fire and Yaw-man is two feet from me gathering wood as well and we're both gathering wood on an island full of the best characters and players in recent seasons and I'm one of them and oh dear god it can't be all true, this is too much, this is all just too much. I wanna hug Yau-Man. He's so awesome. I wanna hug him right now and tell him how I rooted for him, how I screamed at my T.V when he got booted out, I didn't get a chance to talk to him at the Fiji wrap party and now I've got 39 days to talk to him and I gotta tell him exactly how awesome he is right now! I can't. I need to control myself. Remember, Eliza, You vowed to be calm, cool and collected this time around, to think through every word, every action you make, to not get on people's nerves. Just smile at him. A smile would be enough. You can worship him at the end, after your calmness, coolness and collectedness will earn you a million dollars. For now, a smile would do. She threw Yau-Man a quick smile, and he smiled back. He smiled back! I can't believe it, this is so big, he actually smiled back. I smiled, and he smiled right back at me. Eliza, calm down now. This means absolutely nothing. He was just polite; of course he would be polite, he's Yau-Man, he's such a gentleman, he's truly awesome. Hugging him and worshipping him would be too much, surely, but what if I just start a conversation with him? After all, we're walking in silence for more than ten minutes; it wouldn't be too far-fetched to talk to him a bit, just a casual, non-committal chat. "So," Eliza was so concentrated on sounding casual she almost tripped on a low branch, "what do you think, Yau-Man? About the cast, I mean? Do you think it is All-Stars-worthy?" "I find it very interesting", Yau-Man replied. "There are the obvious ones, of course - Tom and Ami and Terry and Cirie - but there are also some that baffle me a little - Katie is a weird casting choice, I must admit. And bringing both Courtney and Shane back raises a few questions." "I SO agree", Eliza said; she seemed to forget all about her new self-awareness. "I mean, it's a bit strange people like Judd and Chris and Rory and Yul weren't brought back, but I LOVE some of the people they did choose - obviously, I was a big fan of half of them - Rafe, and Cirie, and you-" She blushed a little, and then went quiet and continued to pick up dry wood. She was moving too fast, too soon. She needed to let Yau-Man do the talking. Thankfully, this didn't take too much time. "It is a curious position to play against people you watched from your couch back at home", he said. "I was rooting for you on your season, you know. I didn't appreciate the way Scout and Twila were treating you at all." Eliza actually stopped in her tracks to look closely at Yau-Man, who was quite startled by her reaction. As they stood there, in the middle of the island, holding piles of wood that reached their chins, Eliza couldn't have been less calm, cool and collected even if she tried. The words ran out of her mouth before she could do anything about it: "I want to have a final-two alliance with you." Yau-Man continued to stare at her. After another fifteen minutes, they were both back at camp, where things didn't seem to be going very well. Some of the castaways were trying to do the little work that didn't require any sort of equipment, like emptying the camp from big rocks and thorn-bushes, while the others sat there, watching them and talking among themselves. Only Twila and Katie, who went scouting the island, weren't there at the moment. "No use", Terry said as he and Dreamz tried to literally pull a small tree out of the rocky ground by its roots. "We need a machete to do this. We have no chance at building a shelter without one." Up until now, they all ignored the little fact that they were doomed without any equipment to help them survive, but once Terry had said it out loud, it seemed to hit them all hard on their heads. What were they going to do? There was not one person on that beach that didn't feel like they were sentenced to death by Jeff earlier that day. Except for Cindy. She was too busy noticing something moving in the bushes quite near her. She could hear peculiar drumming noises coming from the rattling plant. She took a step closer, more excited than afraid, and moved a few branches with her hand. A bird was standing in front of her, the weirdest and most amazing-looking bird she has ever seen - and she witnessed a lot of weird and amazing-looking birds during her career as zoo-keeper. The bird might have looked normal if it wasn't for a huge red gular sac attached to its front - like a balloon about to burst at any minute. Cindy, being the animal expert she was - was of course familiar with this kind of bird - a male Frigate bird - but seeing it so up-close was overwhelming for her. So overwhelming, in-fact, she didn't notice Tom standing up at that moment, about twenty feet from her, and calling in his low, slow Bostonian accent: "Can I have everyone's attention for just one moment?" Everyone there turned to face him, and Ian actually started to laugh - he thought his old friend was about to make some kind of a bad joke. "I know this is a little awkward, addressing you all so… bluntly like this", Tom said, and he was right - it was awkward, "but I feel like I have no choice. It's pretty obvious I have a target on my back the size of all our egos combined - I know it, you know it, and the people who cast me on the show knew it. I feel like there's a good chance you might go the same path as the previous all-stars and target the winners first, who are… only me this time. But before you do that, I have two questions for you: "One, do you really want to go the same path as the previous 'all-stars'? Do you really want to be left in the end with Jennas, Ambers and Robs? Or do you wanna take part in a real all-star season, to be able to take pride in the show you are participating in? I don't want to name names, but wouldn't it be great if all 14 of us that are here right now, will still be here in six days? "And two, wouldn't you want to take advantage of the situation in which I am powerless, desperate, and ready for negotiations? Wouldn't it be smarter of you to use me rather than just vote a dead man walking out? "Just food for thought, I guess", Tom finished, and none of the others said a thing, maybe because of respect, maybe because they didn't know what can be said. Tom sat down once again, still unsure if he should have done this, but he knew he couldn't just sit there and do nothing at all - and besides, this wasn't the end of it. There was more to his plan, and he was biding his time until the right moment arrived. Meanwhile Cindy, oblivious to what just went on not very far away from her, followed the Frigate bird to a nearby tree, on which it flew and continued to make the low drumming voice still more loudly. A female Frigate bird, the same greenish-black color but without the weird-looking gular sac, came flying out of nowhere and sat beside the male, who, instead of stopping with the drumming, drummed even louder. Cindy stood there for a moment, appreciating the scene and glad that for now, all 16 of them could all concentrate on the beautiful surroundings they're in and save their strategic, backstabbing, cutthroat sides for later. Last Edited By: Oaf 01/04/08 6:46 PM. Edited 1 times.
Oaf		#19	[-]
Posts: 33 (01/04/08 6:35 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Twila and Katie made their way across the shoreline in silence. They didn't know exactly what they were looking for, or if they had a chance of finding anything at all. Usually they weren't that hard on themselves, but they couldn't help it - seeing the other all-stars, most of them heroes in their respective seasons, and the way they looked at them both… Twila and Katie didn't exchange words during their walk, but it was like they were in each-other's minds. They both were women with big personalities who reached the final two only to get ripped apart by the jury, against a man who got praised for his game, or for his comeback. And here they were, brought back against all odds, brought back for a chance to right the wrong, to do it the way it should be done this time, to come out on top. But what if they end up going the same path as last time? What if nothing changes and they still remain as hated, as unappreciated as before, or even more? The first time around, they could argue that the editing did them wrong, that people misjudged them, that it was bad luck. What if it happens again? What will it say about them as people? But all of this was unsaid by the two women now walking on the beach and having more in common with each-other than they would ever know. They weren't the type of person that would spill their heart out the day they meet, so they just walked, making footprints on the white sand, a sea breeze caressing their faces, scared of things to come. It was a rude awakening for Katie when Twila suddenly stopped in her tracks, looking suspicious. "This ain't looking right." Katie looked to where Twila was pointing, and saw it too: to their left, where the ground began to rise and was obscured almost entirely by trees, a small opening was barely visible, a route free from plants that looked as if… "Hand made", Katie concluded, Twila nodded, and they both turned left and started going up the hidden route, excited, a bewildered cameraman trying to keep up with them. "What do you reckon is waiting for us in the end?" Twila asked, out of breath, as they avoided branches and roots on their steep way up. "Why that would be one million dollars, of course! Preferred in cash, but a check would be fine as well. You hear that, Jeff?!" Katie yelled to the distance, as though Jeff was waiting for them at the end of the route. Twila didn't know exactly what to make of Katie, so she continued her quick pacing. The path was distinctly used before, but for what? "Maybe it's some kind of joke pulled on us", Twila said aggressively, "maybe it leads to nowhere, and we'll be walking in circles 'till we have no legs for the challenges no more…" "Well", said Katie, now smiling, "since my legs didn't exactly help me in challenges the first time around-" But she stopped talking at once, and as this is Katie we're talking about, this was a big deal. In front of them there was a well, a well full of water, with a bucket inside it held by a reachable rope. And although Katie and Twila were too full of awe to say anything, it was like they could read each-other's minds, as they both thought the same thing at the same time: "We're saved." Courtney hasn't been this excited in a long while: she, too, felt like she was saved. "Look what I've found!" she called to the camp in general, appearing out of the trees and holding a large amount of some kind of fruit. Some contestants stood up at this - they haven't eaten since the day before, and the hunger was beginning to gnaw at them. Julie was the first to react: "It looks just like-" "Apples", Courtney said without being able to hide her smugness. Who would have thought? She was the one who found this treasure on the big tree not far from camp, and therefore, she was the provider for her tribe, at least for now. There couldn't be a better way for her to start off the game; this was a sign from god, an omen, for sure… "I am familiar with this kind of fruit", said Yau-Man, who leaned closer to see what Courtney was carrying and had everybody's eyes follow him. "Well, what is it called?" asked Courtney, a little louder than she had intended. "I'm not sure the name would please you", Yau-Man replied, and Courtney scoffed and looked at him fiercely. "Why would I care what it's called? I only care what it tastes like!" "It is called Poison Apple, so I would guess that its taste isn't very good." "Oh." Disappointed and somewhat amused, the other castaways went their separate ways. That is, except for Shane. Shane's strategy this time around wasn't very complicated, but it was very definite: he knew everyone on the island saw his season and had a sense of what he was made of, he had no way around that. so instead of trying to be different this time, to be considerate and calm and… well, sane, he decided to go to the other extreme - to be meaner, harsher and crazier, to make everyone get tired of him - but seeing that this is an all-stars season, he counted on the other players to see it benefited them to keep him around, and hoped that his demeanor wouldn't get him a ticket out, but rather a ticket to the final two, where he could explain that it was his plan to be the perfect person to take to the end all along, that it was the safest and surest way to get there, and wouldn't it be refreshing if an intentional goat will win it all? Wouldn't it be something else, a satisfying, if unexpected, conclusion to the season? Shane felt that now was the right time to start executing his straight-forward strategy, so he walked over to Courtney, who was standing knee-high in the sea, scraping her hands from poison with sand and salt-water and looking a little on edge. "So, it was you all along!" he said, acting all surprised, "It was you who poisoned Snowhite! I should have known!" Courtney looked around to see who was addressing her, and actually smiled at the sight of Shane, who now was genuinely surprised. "It's so good to see you, Shane. How've you been? I'm glad they chose you to come back, it wouldn't have been the same here without you." "Of course it wouldn't, you moron! You wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me, they only added you because we're great entertainment together, didn't you watch our season at all?!" Courtney decided not to respond. She knew Shane, and this was his way to say "hello". She was sure that if she had ponytails, he would've pulled them just to show his affection. So she just smiled at him again. This seemed to irritate Shane even more. "Well, aren't you gonna contradict me?" he barked at her. "Aren't you gonna explain to me that you were brought back here because this is the way the universe works, because of karma or the Yaya sisters or some other spiritual shit?" Courtney's smile faded at once. "I'm not that kind of person anymore", she said, holding out the cross she wore around her neck. "I've changed a lot in the last year or so. I'm now a believer in the ways of Jesus Christ." This was too much for Shane. He just stared at Courtney for a couple of moments, thinking that it must be some kind of joke. "You? A Jesus freak? Well, it figures, you tried being all kinds of freak in the past, so I guess it was just a matter of time…" "You wanted something?" Courtney interrupted. "Huh?" "I asked if you wanted something in particular, since you did come to talk to me, and up until know you haven't said anything of substance." "Well, I thought you might want to make an alliance with me. Thing is, we both know you haven't got a fat chance of winning against anyone else besides me." Courtney couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Shane, you do realize you're not the most admired player yourself, don't you? But at least this time you're saying I'm a good person to take to the final 2 to my face and not to the cameras behind my back. And I've thought about it the last few days before the game started- I think it's a good idea, as there are much bigger threats than us. We actually have a chance of making it." She held out a hand, and Shane shook it extravagantly. "Gee, that's great, Courtney! I'm now officially aligned with the tribe's provider! Tell me, what are you planning to provide us with next, huh? Maybe some snake-venom soup?" Shane couldn't help himself returning a smile to Courtney at last. One final-two pact down, fourteen to go. When Twila and Katie returned to camp, it was to a bleak one. Few people were working - some were gathering firewood, which was now a pile five feet high, and some were collecting rocks for the fireplace - but without fire, it was no use. Ami was the center of attention at the moment. She had built a fire-starting device: two pieces of wood that, when spinning one in a niche in the other using a rope made of strong leaves, should in theory produce a spark. Unfortunately, no one in the tribe was successful in proving the theory true that day - by nightfall, they didn't have fire in their hands, but rather a bunch of blisters. Therefore, it was a comfort to learn that they weren't going to die of thirst. Katie was the one who delivered the happy news, and received a big hug from Ian in return. The other survivors were entertained by the sight of what looked like a giraffe squeezing a badger, but the amusement didn't last long - they quickly realized that without fire to boil it in, the water wasn't very helpful. It was just another incentive to start a fire. By the end of the day, the tribe would probably have gulped down snake-venom soup

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All-Stars Galapagos - Chapter 5 up, with chapter 6 coming next century!

All-Stars Galapagos - Chapter 5 up, with chapter 6 coming next century!